


Antrum

by azena (orphan_account)



Category: Free!
Genre: AU-kind of, Alpacas, Angst, Coach Tachibana Makoto, Every-day life, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Mother-hen Makoto, Other, Past Relationships mention, Reader-Insert, Romance, Single Mother Reader, Smut, drinking together, makoto has a wild side, sick reader, unsuccessful dates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 23:46:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7075600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/azena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You meet coach Tachibana, when you go to pick up your 5-year-old son from swim practice and you are immediately take by his stunning looks. Maybe it is just because you've been alone for quite some time, but can this go somewhere?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> Heeey, first fic here, hope you like it and any feedback is appreciated. Stay happy you guys!

The single mother life. When you were little you hadn’t dreamt to be running after your son trying to get him to bed, at the age of 28. You dreamt of being a princess or a fairy or something else magical. Not that being a mother didn’t have its magical moments like when your son cuddled you and said “mommy I love you soooooo much”, but sometimes when it came to bed time or eating all the vegetables you regretted your son having inherited your stubborn gene, and you caught yourself thinking how did I get to this moment in my life.

Well by being naive that’s how! Graduating from university, you married your boyfriend of four years because you loved him with all your heart and thought you will be together for the rest of your lives. You started to build your life together, like married couples do. You found stable jobs but a couple of months later you found out you were pregnant. Kids were something you definitely wanted in the future and given that you were already married you decided to keep the baby. Your then husband did not stop you, you could even say he seemed excited. Oh, the miracle of child-birth seemed to bring you together and you were a picture perfect young family. However a year worth of changing diapers, working late and sleepless nights proved too much for your lovely husband and he left. Apparently the father life wasn’t for him so he took the easy way out. And there you were, 23 with a barely-1-year-old son, in a new job you needed to keep to pay the bills. It seemed hopeless but with the help of your mother and your friends you pulled through, the love for your child keeping your head above the water. For what is worth your ex-husband kept transferring you a monthly allowance but that was all of him there was in your son’s life. It had been the two of you since.

It was difficult to juggle all responsibilities and still try to be a good mother but you did your best. Well there was the occasional junk food meal because you didn’t have time to cook, or the rare swear word your son learned from your outbursts on the phone, but all in all your life was going good. As good as it can be given the circumstances. But tonight it was extra hard getting the little one to bed. He was super excited because tomorrow was his first day in swim classes. The school had suggested the idea of bringing the kids that wanted to the nearby pool for classes, twice a week and you jumped at the opportunity. Not only because your son expressed interest but also cause that gave you four extra hours a week to do groceries, tidy up or just have a breather. Sound good, doesn’t it? But now you were running all around the apartment coming to the stage where you had to bargain with the little monkey.

“Ben, sweety time for bed. Otherwise you will be tired tomorrow.”

“Buut muuuum, five more minutes”

“You said that five minutes ago”

“Yes but that was five minutes ago, now I want five more”

“But you can’t have five more”

“Why?” You hated that question. Every time Ben asked it, the conversation spiraled in an endless sequence of questions, so you just answered:

“Because if you stay up five more minutes, we will not go visit the ice cream fairy tomorrow” This was a technique you used in desperate situations because you didn’t want him getting cavities or used to having many sweets. But it worked.

“Ice cream fairy?” He stopped in his tracks and looked at you questioningly. That is what he called the young lady that worked at the ice cream shop and she found it utterly amusing and cute.

“Mhmm” You nodded.

“Ok then I am going to bed.” Well finally!

You tucked him in and turned off the light. Wasn’t he an angel when he was sleeping? If only he could be that quiet more often. Especially when you were on the phone talking to your boss or when you have had a long day. But you loved him nonetheless, constantly running mouth and all.

* * *

You dropped Ben off at school in the morning and headed towards the office. You worked as a marketing assistant for a cosmetics company. It wouldn’t have been your first choice but you still managed to use your creativity here and there, plus it paid well enough so you didn’t have many reasons to complain. The day passed in making phone calls and reviewing documents about the company’s new marketing campaign - “Lustful Lashes”. As it can be guessed it was an advertising campaign for a mascara. Sometimes it was a bit difficult to put yourself in the shoes of your customers because you didn’t have that much personal experience with make-up but you tried nonetheless.

After work you only had a bit over an hour free to squeeze in a quick coffee with your friend Martha. As it was Ben’s first time at the pool you had to go pick him up early to meet with the coach and receive instructions about safety and swimwear which you were not very excited about. Well at least before that you got to chat to Martha who due to your busy schedule you hadn’t seen in over a month. She was one of your longest friends you still kept in touch with. You met in the first year of university and clicked immediately. You still lived in the same city so you tried to see each other and talk as often as you could, which was sometimes difficult because while you has a child and a nine-to-five job she was living a wilder life, frequenting bars and clubs and working irregular hours as a free-lance graphic designer. Good part was she always had an array of fun stories to brighten your domesticated daily round with.

You sat at a window table in a small café near you often met at. Not even five minutes later Martha walked in, looking as casual as ever, sunglasses on. You guessed what that meant.

“Had a late night, Martha?” You raised your eyebrows at her.

“Oh, don’t even ask!” She sighed plopping on the seat across from you. She ordered a coffee and you got back to the topic at hand.

“But it was a Monday night last night?!” You said trying to sound mock judgemental

“Well not all of us are cogs in the corporate machine (F/N)!” She exclaimed as quiet as she could, as not to irritate her hangover.

“Never mind. Please entertain me. You know how interesting my life is. I am living my long gone youth vicariously through you. What happened?”

“Well you know how it goes. A friend invited me to a bar. I met a guy and the evening got more interesting. “ she gave you a smirk “He was quite funny and good-looking so I thought I would give him a chance. Well he was not disappointing, if you know what I mean” She winked at you, yeah you definitely knew what she meant.

“So are you seeing him again?”

“Oh, hell no!” She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“Wait, wait, how did we go from ‘not disappointing’ to ‘hell no’?” You looked at her confused, leaning slightly on the table.

“Well, that was the morning after. Quite satisfied with how things turned out I decided to make myself comfortable and when I woke up I got down to the kitchen to get me a glass of water only to be faced with his parents having breakfast. I don’t have to tell you how fast I got out of there. Who the hell lives with their parents when they are thirty?”

“Are you for real?” You laughed whole-heartedly “You know, maybe his parents lived with him.” You said with sarcasm.

“Yeah, I am sure that is it” She just threw you a stare. “While we are on the topic, have you had any new conquests?” She smiled slyly at you.

“What do you think?” The sarcasm thick in your voice

“How can I know? You are a sexy young single mother, guys must be all over you” She said actually genuine

“Nobody wants you when you are reaching thirty and you have so much extra baggage.” You said rolling your eyes at her

“Did you just call Ben extra baggage?” She tried to lighten the mood.

“No, no, that is not how I meant it, you know!” You were quick to deny as your phrasing was far from good

“Then if you can’t find any viable candidates, I am setting you up. I have this really nice friend. He is about your age, works in business or something. Decent guy. You will like him” She beamed at you

“Seriously?! You know how much I hate being set up with strangers. Plus I am not sure it will be good to bring somebody new into Ben’s life. Especially not in that context.” You really didn’t like that idea

“You don’t have to introduce him to your son. It will just be a date (F/N)! And if you are not going to do anything to end your dry spell, then I will!”

“Fine, fine” You tried to end the topic because you really didn’t want to think about the last time you had sex. It was so long ago.

You changed the topic and the conversation headed in a more lighthearted direction. Soon it was time to go pick up Ben so after you said your goodbyes you got into your car, typed up the address of the pool in the navigation and drove there.

* * *

You were either late or kind of early because when you got there you didn’t really see many other parents. You explained why you were there to the nice lady at the reception and she told you the kids just got out of the pool and were changing so she pointed you in the right direction and informed you that you should be looking for coach Tachibana.

The hallways of the pool building were full of chirping kids and happily giggling teenagers. You didn’t get how swimming can make people that happy. Maybe it was the endorphins from the exercise. When you got to the changing room door you decided to wait outside and look around for the coach. The only person that looked like they could be working there was a tall young male, probably a bit younger than you, so you decided to ask him. When you got closer you noticed that he was quite fit, to say the least, and had this enchanting green eyes. You got a bit flustered. You didn’t remember the last time you talked to such a handsome man.

“Umm, excuse me, I am looking for coach Tachibana. I am the mother of one of the boys in his new class. Can you tell me where to find him?” The male looked at you and smiled warmly.

“You just did. I am coach Tachibana. Makoto Tachibana” He introduced himself and extended his hand but all you could do was stare at him dumb-founded. Before you could stop yourself, words of disbelief escaped your lips.

“You can’t be!” How can this handsome man be the coach? When you took swimming lessons as a kid your teacher was a short balding man in his fifties with a beer belly and a hairy chest, and all the other coaches in the school sported looks similar to that. You had to stop your train of thought when you realized the male was looking at you utterly confused, not knowing how to reply to your exclamation.

“No, no, I am sorry! I didn’t mean that as an insult” You started rambling. ”It’s just that the swim coach I had when I was little looked nothing like you and please that as a compliment. Just a bit unexpected, you know. Such a handsome male like you to be a kid’s swim coach. You look like you can be a professional swimmer or a model or something” Well now you did it. The male started blushing profusely. You had to do something.

“Excuse my inappropriateness” You grabbed his big hand, which was hanging awkwardly mid-air, and shook it “I am (F/N) (L/N), the mother of Ben, and I hope we can get over this awkward first impression I just made” You smiled at him and let go of his hand. He seemed to compose himself and answered.

“Don’t worry about it. Plus you are not exactly like most parents I meet” The warm smile made its way back to his face, although he was still blushing a bit.

“I choose to take that as a compliment” You smiled at him fiddling with the strap of your purse and decided to try and put what happened behind you “So I was told I need to receive some instructions”

“Ah, yes!” He was a bit startled “Well, we already told the basics to the kids, but just to make sure that they don’t forget to deliver the message, if they decide to continue taking the classes you will have to get them a proper pair of goggles and a swim cap. They have those at all sports stores.” He explained to you, looking more serious now, but still with this peaceful and happy aura about him, that made you want to cuddle him like a big teddy bear “Also the school staff will bring the kids here before the class but you will have to pick them up at 7 o’clock. The classes will be Tuesday and Friday. If you have any questions you can always call the reception or email me.” He handed you a small business card with his contact. It felt a bit intimidating how much bigger his hands were than yours. It was also kind of sexy but you decided not to linger on that thought.

“So that is all?” You put the card away in your purse and looked up at him, still a bit fidgety given how much of a fool you had made of yourself earlier.

“Well, yes” He said, hand coming up in a nervous gesture to scratch lightly the back his neck “If you want I can also give you a tour of the facilities. It is quite….” He was interrupted by a loud shout.

“Muuuuum, you came!” Your son called out hugging your leg. You stroked his hair and looked up at the coach.

“I think we should go. But maybe next time. Thank you coach!” You send him one last smile and making sure Ben had got everything with him, you turned to leave. You would have loved to spend a little bit more time with the handsome coach but you knew Ben got cranky when he was tired and you wanted that to happen at home and not at a public setting.

On the way home you passed by the ice cream shop. The cashier girl lit up at the sight of Ben. She was very good with kids and he was a very cheerful one, all adults liked him, especially the elderly. You had a (favorite ice cream flavor) cone while he had strawberry. During the drive he told you all about the swim lessons. He was super excited that he was to be able to float on the water and he beamed with pride when he explained how he was super-fast in the kick-board race the coach organized for them. He definitely wanted to keep visiting the classes and you were happy that he found a hobby he liked.

Later on while you were lying in bed trying to go to sleep, your thoughts floated to coach Tachibana. You saw his lean figure towering over you, with those warm green eyes smiling. His muscles were firm and well defined under his full-body swimsuit. His chest looked like it would be very toned but still soft to hug. You wanted to know how it would feel under your fingers. no, No, NO!! These were not appropriate thoughts to have about your son’s coach, even if he looked like a Greek god. You tried to push them out of your mind as you turned on your side. You definitely needed to get laid.


	2. Small-talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get to go to the beach and get to interact with the handsome coach a bit more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this chapter is a bit slower. Nothing that much happens but I think it does set the basis for something more to happen, which will be in the next chapter so stay tuned.
> 
> Thank you for the feedback on the previous chapter. I hope you enjoy this and stay happy you guys!

It’s been a month since your son started the swimming lessons and since then your house was cleaner, the fridge was always fool and if you were organized enough you even got to catch up on some work or reading. You also managed to see your friend Martha again, which was surprising given how much of a challenge it usually was to find the free time to do that. She has got a new project designing flyers for a local shop, which she found tedious. Still it got her some money and it did not seem to upset her personal life as she entertained you with new stories from her nightly adventures. Apparently the live-at-home guy kept calling her and she was at her ends trying to avoid him. When she finally picked up she told him to call again when he moves out of his mom’s house and hung up. A bit of a rude thing to say to somebody, in your opinion, but you admired her standards. She also kept nagging you about setting up a blind date with that friend/acquaintance of hers, who apparently she met at the gym, which made you even more unsure about the thing, but you finally succumbed and said yes. Hey, you didn’t have anything to loose, except for a couple of hours. The deciding argument that Martha used was that she was going to babysit Ben so even if it did not work out with the guy at least you will have a night out. That hadn’t happened in a while so it was enough to persuade you.

No matter how much you appreciated this extra time you got every Tuesday and Friday you always found yourself at the viewers’ area of the pool 5-10 min before Ben’s practice was over. You told yourself it was to see how your son was coping with the lessons and if he was actually enjoying it, but you knew deep down that was not the only reason behind your actions. You got reminded about that every time your gaze drifted from the paddling children to their coach. That magnificent hunk of a man. There was something about the way his swim suit clung to his body and his olive-brown hair stuck from underneath his cap that made you unable to take your eyes off him. Not to mention those beautiful green eyes full of care and compassion. What were you doing?! You felt like a teenage girl having a crush on the popular guy in high school, relishing in the images of him going about his activities but still wanting him to notice you. And he actually did! A couple of times your eyes met, making you blush and turn frantically away, like you were doing something wrong. One time he even waved at you and all you did was wave back hoping he didn’t think you were a creeper. Which you kind of were, ogling a defenceless young male in his swimsuit. You were a grown woman and this behavior did not fit you, you reminded yourself, but you couldn’t help feel a bit fuzzy inside every time you saw him smile.

Your son really liked him as well. Every time after practice it was always “coach Makoto this”, “coach Makoto that”. Apparently the guy really had a way with kids, managing to grab the attention of even the most fidgety and mischievous little devils. He was quite considerate with the abilities and comfortability level of each of the kids not wanting to push them too far but rather paying attention that all of them had fun. Ben told you the story of this boy in the class who was afraid of swimming but the coach managed to help him through it and now he was having as much fun as the other kids. Tachibana also found interesting ways to engage them like relay competitions and races or telling them stories about the different swimming styles and the mysteries of the water. Your son was positively beaming every time you brought him home from practice.

A nice, passionate and good-looking guy like him, there was no way he was single. Who would ever let a man like that go. There was no point to even think about him in another context except him being your son’s coach. Plus why would he ever give a second look to you in particular. You were not bad looking per se but still you were almost thirty with a kid, he definitely had better options than that. Still a girl was allowed to dream, wasn’t she?

* * *

It was a Tuesday afternoon and you had managed to leave work a bit early. After the mascara campaign was finally launched you had a couple of days to take a breather until you started getting feedback and had to deal with complaints and reactions. Those you usually got no matter what kind of campaign you launched; there was always somebody offended. Nevertheless that meant that now you had three hours to yourself, which you decided to spend shopping. There was a nice shopping area close to the pool so you left your car at the pool parking lot, to avoid losing time looking for a space in the shopping area which was always busy, and to walked from there. The next hours would be just you looking at clothes and cute stuff, maybe even getting something nice for the date you knew would come soon. Not that you really needed to get all dressed up for a guy you have never met but first impressions mattered, plus this would be you first date in quite a while and you wanted to feel pretty.

Walking among the shops you saw a small nail salon which looked inviting so you decided that there is nothing wrong with spoiling yourself from time to time, so you made your way in. After getting your nails done you checked out some of your favourite shops finally finding a nice (f/c) dress that was not too fancy but just nice enough. Satisfied with yourself you headed to your final destination, the groceries store. You needed to pick something for dinner and some breakfast essentials and you were quite relaxed as you had approximately an hour to do that. The super market had a special offer on school supplies this days. Colorful notebooks and pens were the first thing that greeted you. You went about picking everything needed, thinking about your favourite school subjects.

When you were young you were quite good in math but you would not say you really liked it. Something about how all math teachers thought that subject ruled the world put you off. On the other hand you really liked history, it was all like a fairy-tale for you and it was funny to think how all that actually happened and humans evolved to record all their doings so the later generations can learn about them. Another favourite of yours was art. You had a really good teacher who always encouraged you to be creative and express yourself. Thinking about art what was that think Ben mentioned. They will start using aquarelle paint in school so he needed to get some. Hmmm, when did he tell you that? It was probably last week because in all your business right before the project deadline you registered the information but did not really do anything about it. _When did he need it for?_ you tried to remember. _Was it for Wednesday? What day was it today? Tuesday_. Oh, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!!! You had 15 min to exit the shop go to the art supplies store to get the paint and go to the pool on time. You could not really come back later, because those shops never worked late, _damn them!!!_

You headed hurriedly to the register only to find a big queue. Really now of all times! Maybe you can at least call Ben or the coach or someone, to say that you will be a bit late. But of course when you took out your phone you were greeted by “BATTERY LOW!”. And this was a day which actually promised to be nice and relaxing, and now your child was going to think you abandoned him. Thankfully you managed to get out of the supermarket in 10 min and after hurriedly running through the art supplies store you were speed walking, bags in hand, in the direction of the pool. Your phone died so you didn’t even know how late you were. You were nervous, worried, sweating and just generally a mess. Thankfully you saw Ben sitting in front of the pool looking quite relaxed. You hurried even more and dropping the bags next to the bench you gave him a tight hug.

“Oh, sweety I am sorry. I had to pick up the paint for school and I got very late. It will not happen again I promise.” You pulled away and looked at Ben.

“It’s ok mum, I knew you would come.” He smiled at you and you felt yourself relaxing a bit “Also coach Makoto stayed and talked to me, and his favourite Pokemon is also Squirtle, isn’t that awesome!” He gave you an excited look and that is when you finally realized that there was someone sitting next to Ben on the bench. In all your hurrying you had totally ignored the presence and now when the warm green eyes focused on you, you stumble a bit backwards. Did he really have to see you in this state?! You kicked one of the groceries bags accidentally and contents started to roll around as it hit the concrete.

“Of, fuck, really!!!” You exclaimed quietly. Shit, you should not curse in front of Ben, he picked up things so quickly.

“Mum said a bad word” He chanted pointing at you. “I am sorry sweety, don’t repeat that. You should not use words like that” _Oh yeah, great job (F/N) very effective parenting_ , you scolded yourself mentally. You kneeled down to start gathering the spilled groceries when a big hand handed you a carton of milk that had rolled under the bench.

“Coach Tachibana, I am very sorry.” You looked up apologetically at him. He probably thinks I am a bad mother. Poor man was getting dragged up in your mess involuntarily. “I was going to be on time but then things happened. Sorry that you had to stay late, you probably have things to do, places to go to…” You trailed off not really knowing how to continue but rather focusing on gathering the rest of the items on the concrete.

“It’s no problem, don’t worry about it” His warm smile sent shivers down your spine. How can he be so nice all the time? He was probably one of the people who were always super positive and pleasant but then once they got angry all hell broke loose. You wouldn’t want to see that, it was definitely going to be super scary. But the smile he was giving you now and the hand he reached out to help you to your feet, were making your stomach flutter. “It was a pleasure to talk to Ben. You have raised a very polite boy” He continued. He sounded sincere, although in this moment you didn’t feel like the best mom.

“Thank you!” You smiled sheepishly. ”You are being very kind. If there is anything I can do to repay you, just say. I would love to make it up to you” You tried to gather all the bags and get Ben’s hand in order to head for your car.

“Wait, let me help you.” He grabbed the bags out of your hands with way too much ease and looked at the ground a bit nervously

“Actually, there is something that you might be able to help with” You didn’t expect him to actually respond to your offer right away, taking you a bit by surprise “You know that we are having a field trip with the kids next weekend” Trip? The information sounded familiar, like you didn’t hear it for the first time but it wasn’t very clear in your mind. Oh, right, you had signed some confirmation last week allowing Ben to go. “One of the parents who was supposed to chaperone called today and dropped out. If it wouldn’t be too much to ask, can you please fill in the spot? You would really help us out.” He looked shyly from behind the shopping bags awaiting your answer.

“Muuuum, we are visiting the beach, it will be so much fun!” Ben tugged at your hand. It will be nice to spend some time with him, plus it was going to be a bit quieter at work in the next days.

“Yeah, I will do it, no problem” Now Tachibana also beamed at you.

“Thank you so much! You are saving us. I guarantee it will be fun, don’t worry! I will give you all the information on Friday when you pick Ben up.” You already said yes but it sounded like he wanted to make sure you didn’t back out.

“Don’t worry about it coach, plus I do owe you one for taking care of my boy” You patted Ben on the head lovingly. You stood there in silence until you remembered that you did need to go home and start on dinner. The tall man was still hugging all your groceries so you just pointed in the direction of your car “We should probably get going, before it gets too late.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry” Once you got to your car, coach Tachibana put all the bags in the trunk and waved you off as you drove away. You couldn’t help but feel excited about doing something fun with your child, about going to the beach and about possibly spending more time with the handsome coach. Hmm, but maybe first you had to actually find if he was available.

* * *

The next week and a half has gone in a flash between, work, house chores and evenings watching cartoons with Ben. On Friday the coach has given you an itinerary, which informed you that you will be going by bus to a beach an hour away, where you would spend the day. You were in charge of preparing sandwiches for lunch. There were going to be only the kids from Ben’s swimming class plus three other parents and the coach. It was only 20 people in total so it wasn’t going to be that hard. You had to meet on Saturday morning at the pool so you could leave at 9 for the beach.

Even though you were sometimes getting very distracted because of everything on your head, you tried hard to be prepared this time and prove you can be the perfect mother as well. You had replenished your supply of sunscreen, Band-Aids and other first aid things. The swimming suit you had even forgotten you owned was dug out of your bottom drawer. It still fit although the last time you wore it was probably before your pregnancy. Well given that you did have a child the garment was feeling a bit tighter, making you feel slightly self-conscious but you tried comforting yourself that you looked good for a mum.

Saturday morning you felt ready. The bag you decided to take was feeling a bit small after you decided to take extra towels, and water, and bandages, and some medications, and a book if you were bored, other small things, just in case you needed them. You had made a variety of sandwiches for everybody and quite a few extra, packed individually and arranged in a big box. You were an ok-cook so you hoped everyone will appreciate your effort. Ben was happily jumping around. Last night you once again had trouble putting him to bed as he was so excited about this trip. You had only taken him once before to the beach and he liked it, so now he couldn’t wait to repeat the experience. The drive to the pool was short but fun as you both sang along with a couple of songs that came on the radio, making you share the excitement of the upcoming day.

Even though you did have to look after the kids and make sure they didn’t drown or get injured you could still have fun and you would. Once you had to lift the bags out of your car and put them in the bus you kind of regretted taking so much. The bus driver took the box with the sandwiches from you so you headed inside the bus with Ben. He went to sit with some friends so you started getting yourself settled. Lifting your bag over your head to put it in the compartment made you lose balance but thankfully there was something firm and steady to prevent you from falling backwards. When you realized that that was the chest of the coach himself you blushed profusely. _God, why was he so fit_. You could feel it without looking. He steadied you and took the bag from over your head.

“What have you put in there?” He laughed at you and put the bag in.

“Aah, well, I like to be prepared you see. You never know” You tried to look cool. You probably failed.

“Good to know” His eyes stayed on your blushing face for a second too long, looking interested, but then he looked to the front of the bus. “You can go sit with the other parents at the front. I will put some order here and join you all shortly” Maybe you will get to sit next to him. But what will you talk about. _Seriously?!_ In your head you sounded like a school girl with a crush but you just couldn’t help it. When you looked towards the front you saw three pairs of eyes looking at you a bit disapprovingly, or maybe you just imagined that.

So those will be your chaperoning companions today. There were three ladies sitting in the front seats of the bus. They all looked a bit older than you and a bit stiff with their designer-brand clothes and cold smiles that didn’t reach their eyes. Well you did have to interact with them so you made your way there. You introduced yourself with a smile which was only met with brief introductions and snorty looks. To the question whether you could take the free seat, one of them only huffed, which you decided to take as a confirmation and you squeezed yourself in there. The ladies continued their conversation, which included something about foods that can influence the mental development of children and how to find skilled house help, so you zoned them out. You were used to receiving scornful looks from people because of your age. Most assumed you were some whore who accidentally got pregnant in her teenage years and kept the baby because she didn’t know what to do. At first it bothered you that people questioned your credibility as a parent but at the end you understood that what mattered was that you loved your child and that he grew up healthy and happy. So their attitude was not going to ruin your day.

The beach you got to was beautiful. You put down the bags and helped the children to the changing rooms where they could get ready. Once the coach had already led the group to dip their feet in the water, you decided to get settled as well. You put your towel down so you could have a good view of the children in case anything happened. Of course, you were not invited to sit with the other mothers but that didn’t really bother you a lot, you didn’t mind spending time alone, but god, did this feel like high-school again. You stripped down to your swim suit and decided to put some sun screen on. Seconds later you met coach Tachibana’s eyes on you, and you blushed. _I hope he doesn’t think I am fat_ ran through your head. He blushed back and turned away quickly to look at the children. You heard a low huff behind you and saw the “cool-crowd” eyeing your two-piece swimsuit with disapprovement. They were still in their clothes but this was the beach, what was wrong with actually enjoying it. Maybe you should have chosen something less revealing. Uncomfortable under their glances you put you t-shirt back on and sat down to look at the children.

At least they were having fun. Some of them were splashing each other, some were running away from the waves and laughing when the sea caught up with them and some were swimming around in the shallow water. The coach was looking at them attentively like a mother hen. The sight of him talking encouraging to the kids and laughing with them warmed your heart and you forgot about those “ducks” sitting on the beach behind you. Ben was passing a ball with some boys, who you assumed were his friends, because he sat with them on the bus. You were happy he was making friends. He was always a social kid but when he first started going to school he seemed shy. It was nice to see him interacting and you hoped he did make good friends as that was important.

You spend most of the time sunbathing and keeping an eye on the kids and time flew. When it was time for lunch you made the children settle down on their towels and you gave them a sandwich of their choice and a drink. Apparently ham was very popular. At the end you went to offer some to your fellow-chaperones as well. It was the nice thing to do. But of course even that was not an easy task.

“Umm, do you have a vegan option, I am lactose intolerant” Answered one of them, looking at you over her big sun glasses perched on her small nose.

“Yeah, I do. Do you want me to get you one?” You tried to sound friendly. Nothing wrong with being lactose intolerant but what was with that tone of voice. Still no need to respond to their attitude.

“Actually, it also needs to be gluten free” What was with these requests. You were not a restaurant and if somebody had such specific food requirements it was only fair to let you know in advance.

“I am sorry but I don’t have anything gluten free” You replied trying to keep calm. It was just a stupid sandwich no need to get irritated over that.

“Pff, of course you don’t” Huh, attitude much?! They exchanged some rather disdainful looks between them. You hated being looked down on but you weren’t going to let them see a reaction.

“There is a restaurant close by. I am sure they will have something for your taste” You turned away to go sit down on your towel and eat your lunch. Fuck them and their attitude. You had barely spoken to them and they were giving you this shit, well hell they were not worth the effort. Feeling angry you bit down on your sandwich. Mentally you were thinking of better comebacks when a voice brought you out of your mental process.

“May I?” coach Tachibana pointed to the space next to you questioningly.

“Ah yeah sure” You tried to smile at him but given your mood it came out a bit like a scowl.

“Don’t pay any attention to them. They are mean to anybody but they were the only ones who volunteered to chaperone” He nodded in the direction you had come from just a minute ago. “Should I assume that is why the previous chaperone dropped out?” You raised your brows humorously at the tall male.

“Mmmaybee” He shrugged slowly “Sorry to put you through this but I didn’t want to be alone with them. They kind of scare me” That statement made you laugh. The mountain of a man next to you was scared by some snobby geese. “Don’t laugh. Last time I had to talk to them they kept questioning my teaching methods and I ended up faking a phone call to escape” You laughed even harder.

“Thanks for that!” You said still laughing “That definitely make my day better” He just smiled at you, no longer upset that you were laughing at him. A calm silence settled between you while you were enjoying your food, until the green-eyed male broke it.

“I hope your husband didn’t mind I dragged you out on a weekend?” He asked hesitantly.

“My **EX** -husband no longer has a say in what I do” You said a bit more spitefully than you intended.

“Oh, sorry, to have brought it up” Tachibana waved his hands in front of his chest defensively, looking worried about what he has stuck his nose into. There was a pause.

“My bad, I didn’t mean it to come out so strongly. It was long ago. But it is Ben and me now so it doesn’t matter” You tried to smile at him. It really had been a long time, but given that that was your first love and the betrayal you felt, you weren’t sure you would ever get over it. It had gotten better though. You no longer full-on exploded at the mention of your ex. Now your anger was more directed at the fact that he played minimal role in your son’s life. Even though at this point you despised the guy, your son did need strong male role models in his life and his father should have been one. “You can ask about it if you want.” You smiled at the male who was still looking at you hesitantly. Not the best conversation option but you did need to learn to talk about these things.

“Um ok” He looked down to his food

“When did he leave?”

“When Ben was one. It was very out of the blue. Fatherhood was too much for him to take. He hasn’t been in contact much except for the money transfer every month. That is basically the only thing he is good for now” You said a bit bitterly. You looked at the waves and the blue sea and it calmed you down.

“I am sorry” He looked at you with eyes filled with sorrow and sympathy. You gave him a smile.

“Thanks, but it’s ok. I have come to terms with it” _Kind of_. There was a comfortable pause. You wanted to know about his status as well and maybe this would be time as good as any “Well this brought down the mood” You chuckled “But now that we are on the topic, don’t you have anybody you would rather be with today coach? If I may ask.” You hoped your questioned was not too intrusive.

“Not really” The look in his eyes hinted towards some painful experience in the past so you decided not to press it. Instead you took a lighter conversation road.

“Oh, coach. I am sure a good-looking guy like you does not lack female attention… or male attention, I don’t know” You nudged him with your elbow playfully, trying to lighten the mood. He blushed and stuttered.

“You thing I am good-looking?” Was he serious? Did he not own any mirrors or something?

“I think I made that painfully clear in our first more-than-awkward interaction” That memory made you shudder a bit but you just laughed it off. He tried to smile a bit more confidently

“Um, you also look very good in that swimsuit” He tried to make you a compliment, but realized what he was basically complimenting you on being half-naked “I mean I think you look good without it as well” He was making it worse and was stuttering now “Not like that I mean you look good in clothes, any clothes” He slapped himself on the face. Even though that was one of the most awkward attempts at compliment you had received you couldn’t help but feel your heart jolt at his cuteness.

“Why thank you, coach. Although I think those ladies over there don’t share your opinion.” You pointed toward your fellow-chaperones. Tachibana composed himself a little and answered.

“I bet they are just jealous. Don’t let them get to you. And you can call me Makoto, please.” His perfect sunshine smile was back.

“You can call me (F/N) then.” You extended a hand for him to shake. Maybe you actually did have a chance. You should ask him out. The worst he could say is no. There was some chemistry so you hoped he would not say no. But how do you ask. You weren’t really used to asking guys out, although you didn’t see anything wrong with it. Giving yourself a mental pep-talk you got ready to ask but you were interrupted.

“Mum, come build a sand-castle with me. You can help me gather sea shells” You were dragged away by the small hand of your son and you didn’t give any resistance because this day was also about him. You smiled at Makoto on your way up and he smiled back. Unfortunately you didn’t get to talk to him in private anymore that day.


	3. Late night encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an unsuccessful date you unexpectedly meet the green eyed man you have been thinking about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains smut, a big chunk of it.
> 
> This took a bit of time to update cause I have been busy and lost inspiration. Soooooorrryyy. Yeah I hope you enjoy. Comments make me happy. That is all byeee!

The new week was in full swing and you barely had time for anything. In the first days after the beach trip you brooded over not getting to ask the Makoto on a date but that was quickly drowned in the amounts of work you had to do. As you had predicted the responses to the marketing campaign started coming in with a variety of opinions and feedback. You were even receiving some hate mail about the campaign objectifying women and reinforcing the stereotype that beauty comes from artificially altering your appearance. You did agree that images like that in the media can be harmful but you didn’t really know what to do about it so you just tried to do as much damage control as possible. Maybe you were the problem. In-between internal dilemmas and busy days at the office you were left hurrying around in the little time you had free, trying to keep everything under control and your son fed, well-dressed and happy. That is why when Friday finally rolled around you felt as happy as a kid in a candy store. You were finally going to go out on the date with Martha’s friend and not that you were particularly excited about meeting this guy, but you got an evening out so it was a pretty good deal.

After you picked up Ben from swimming you hurried home to make dinner for him and Martha who held her promise to babysit. Once that was out of the way you settled Ben with some entertainment and went to get ready. You usually didn’t have the time to pamper yourself but you wanted to feel pretty so you took a shower with some of the refreshingly smelling shower gel you bought the previous week and took the time to paint your toenails afterwards. Not that somebody was going to see them, you were not looking to go that far with that guy anyway, but it just felt nice. You put on some light make up and decided to let you hair hang down for the evening, in contrast of your usual pull up hairstyle for work. Putting on the dress you had bought and comfortable shoes you packed a purse with the most needed stuff and after saying a quick bye you headed out. Martha did not fail to tell you not to worry about how late you came back giving you a suggestive wink. You just rolled your eyes at her.

Arriving at the restaurant where you were meeting, you didn’t have a hard time spotting the guy. He was huge. Probably taller than 1.90 with well-groomed chestnut hair and warm brown eyes. You could also definitely tell from a distance that he hit the gym often. Confirms how Martha met him. He just looked like a dream and you were starting to feel excited about this. Well you excitement died out pretty fast once you got talking to him, or better put it as when he started talking at you. Except for the brief introductions you shared and ordering food, you barely had the chance to say anything else. He didn’t even give you the opportunity to ask questions, just took the initiative at keeping a conversations or at least the one-sided talking he apparently thought counted as conversation. God, he didn’t stop talking. First it was about his day and how annoying his colleagues were because they did not invite him to whatever they were doing together that weekend. Kind of see why. Then it was a detailed description of his gym training program. He even praised himself on his progress and his “awesome pecks”. Maybe that was some kind of an attempt to make you subconsciously want to see them later and even though you couldn’t deny he looked good, the whole attitude he had going on was more than off-putting. Next was an attempt, you assumed, to sweep you off your feet with his money by telling you how last summer he went to some exotic island where apparently all the staff worshiped his generosity. It just kept going on and on and you found yourself hoping for the torture to end soon. That is why when the waitress offered desert you refused and asked for the bill. You insisted on splitting it and soon after used Ben as an excuse for going home. He seemed to understand but apparently wasn’t ready to let you go as he offered to drive you home, which you refused under the pretext that you had your own car with you. Thankfully he didn’t push further so you just got in your car and drove away. The silence was bliss. Not that this was the worst date you had been on but you were still glad to be out of there. On your way home, a bit disappointed by the turn your evening out had taken, you saw an open bar beckoning you to come in with its warm light. A split-second decision made you turn the car and park at the small area beside it. It would have been better to have company but having a drink on your own with your thoughts and just relaxing didn’t sound bad either.

You entered the little bar and were greeted with dim lights and the bitter smell of beer being repeatedly spilled and soaking the floorboards. It was nothing fancy, more like the places you find in every neighborhood, with their regular visitors, never getting too busy, making a person hesitant to walk in for the fear of not being part of the crowd in there. Tonight however this little place with its five tables, shelves of dusty alcohol bottles behind the bar and the experienced old bartender looking at you with disinterest felt comforting as you were sure you could spend a relaxing hour here soaking in the freedom you had for the night but also not having to deal with anybody you didn’t want to. The quiet nods that the couple of patrons present in the bar gave you confirmed that.

With a confident stride you made your way to the row of mostly free bar stools. Your attention was caught by the only other person who did not seem to fit the environment. A male, considerably younger-looking than the rest of the patrons, was sitting at one of the ends of the bar. He had his back to you but by his muscular frame and still nicely colored hair you could definitely see he was not over fifty, like the others in this dim-lit establishment. That disheveled olive brown hair reminded you of somebody but you couldn’t really place your hunch until the guy, alarmed by your footsteps and the shift in the attention of the barman, turned to look at you. The warm green eyes that you had been admiring a week ago at the beach, were full of the same sadness you had seen that day. However the feeling was quickly replaced by surprise. It would have been rude not the say anything and even though your plans for a bit of relaxing on your own had most probably flown out the window just then, you headed to greet Makoto. Pulling the chair next to him you looked up questioningly.

“May I?” He quickly got a grip of himself and answered.

“Um, yeah sure, go ahead” You pulled yourself up on the chair and glanced towards the bottle in Makoto’s hand. Beer. You were not that much of a beer person so you turned to the barman and ordered

“A whiskey, neat, please” He just nodded and soon after you were presented you a short glass full of amber liquid. Makoto looked a couple of times between you and the glass but didn’t say anything. Not that you minded the silence but you did want to talk to the guy and he, apparently too struck by seeing you in this place wasn’t saying anything, so you initiated.

“Cheers, to unexpected encounters!” You tilted the glass in his direction and he clinked his bottle with it. You took a long sip from your drink and felt the burning liquid slide down your throat. Drinking was something you didn’t get to do that much anymore so every time you got to indulge in a nice glass of whiskey was pleasure. 

“You look too fancy to be in this bar” Makoto looked at your dress and smiled a little “Waiting for somebody?” He inquired. You just scoffed.

“Oh, the ‘somebody’ already blew his chances so I decided I’d rather continue the evening alone” you paused “or with somebody else” you gave him a sly half smile turning slightly in your chair to face him. He just blushed a bit and shuffled in his stool. Part of why you teased him was just to see this reaction. After you found out how squirmy he could get, when the topic went into a more uncomfortable direction you silently made it your mission to elicit this reactions from him.

“That bad, huh?” You wondered how to summarize the evening you just had but ended up just raising your shoulders in a ‘Well, what can you do about it!’ gesture and replied.

“Not the first time that has happened. But moving away from my disappointing dating experiences. What are you doing here of a Friday night? You are young, don’t you have like a hot date to go to or something?” You nudged his with your shoulder but he just laughed. A honest happy laugh.

“You talk like you are about to retire and I bet I am not even that much younger than you.” He nudged you back.

“Ma-ko-to, has nobody ever taught you not to talk back to your elders” You pointed your finger at him reprimandingly. 

“Oh, come on, what are you like 26? That is only two years of difference.” He looked at you mock annoyed. You pretended to look offended and retorted.

“Never ask about a lady’s age. I will only let it slide because you think I look younger than I actually am, which for your information is 28.” You tipped your glass in his direction 

“Anyways you never answered my question, little one, what’s got you drinking alone on a Friday night?” He just giggled at the nickname you gave him but decided not to press with that any further, he would have to show you in other ways that 4 years didn’t really matter.

“I was out with some friends, but they all had somewhere to go to” he paused “someone to go to. So much the same as you I came here to continue the evening. I live in the neighbourhood anyways.”

“Mmm, not the same though.” He looked at you questioningly “I came to enjoy some time alone but I have the feeling you on the other hand came here to drown the sorrows of being alone” His eyes widened in disbelief and you felt you hit dead center.

“Uum, I don’t know what you are talking about” He answered after a moment, voice shaking a bit at the end. He tried to keep his face blank, but Makoto was one of those people who wore their feelings on their face. Whatever was in his heart was on his face and you could see some underlying pain seeping through the pores.

“I hope that you realize that with your nice personality and good looks you wouldn’t be able to escape female attention in a place a bit busier than this” You gestured around. Your statement made him blush, but he did not deny it. Maybe he did own mirrors at home.

“Well one-night-stands are not really my thing” It seemed rather fitting because his whole demeanor screamed lovable giant, not ruthless player. 

“What about a girlfriend then?” 

“You would be surprised how difficult finding one is, especially after…” His voice trailed off but it was not difficult to guess that he was talking about a bitter heartbreak, the one you saw in his eyes any time this topic was approached. You have been there so you didn’t want to pry too much. He just continued after a short pause “Plus I haven’t had that much time to search, to be honest, with my job and all.” With that he tried to brush the topic under the carpet but the pain in his eyes was better let out than kept in.

“How long ago?” You asked quietly, kind giving him the opportunity to pretend he didn’t hear you, but he answered.

“Two years” He looked down at this drink.

“It gets better. I am telling you from personal experience” You said softly and rubbed his back lightly. He turned a little to you and gave you a weak smile.

“Thanks” There was a little silence but it was no longer heavy of unspoken hurt. It was way more comfortable.

“How about I get you another drink to cheer you up?” You smiled at him “Something a bit stronger. I don’t think beer is very effective for drowning sorrows” His face adopted a bit of a confused look but he answered comically

“Are you trying to get me drunk (F/N)?” A more genuine smile prompted by your attitude appeared and you could feel him relaxing slightly.

“I would never dream of getting you drunk.” You said exaggeratedly fanning your hands “Just as a responsible senior I am making sure you accomplish the mission you have tonight, so what will it be?” You left him no opportunity to refuse so he just requested same as yours. The amber liquid was soon delivered so you clinked glasses. Taking a sip he made a face of disgust and coughed a little, making you let out a small giggle.

“How do you even drink that?”

“Practice, young one, practice” He just rolled his eyes at you in a bit of an uncharacteristic manner but that just made you smile at him even more brightly. You needed the conversation to go in a bit of a lighter direction so you inquired.

“So, why did you decide to become a swim coach?” He beamed at you at the mention of his job and it was obvious for anybody in the room how much he loved it.

“I guess the profession just chose me actually” He laughed a little “When I was in high school my swim coach opened a pool and asked me to help out because he didn’t have anybody in the beginning, and teaching that group of kids just felt so natural. I love swimming and I get along well with kids, given my siblings and all, so it just seemed like the best option and it was.” The memories flooding in his mind prompted a melancholic smile on his face and you relished in the beauty of his relaxed features.

“It is refreshing to see somebody who loves their job. Plus from what I hear from Ben you are really good at it.” You said reassuringly.

“You don’t like you job?” He said it like it was the first time he heard about somebody not loving their job.

“It’s not bad, I mean, it pays the bills and all, but if I would have to state my dream-job, this will not be it.”

“Why do you keep doing it then?” You were taking aback by the naivety of the question.

“Um, because I have Ben now, and for me, my personal happiness will always come second to his well-being. I just can’t afford to make big career changes you know” He looked like he understood and you definitely did not want to continue the night talking about your life choices so you asked him about his siblings and swimming and he was more than happy to answer. In turn he asked about Ben’s opinion about the classes and seemed positively livid when he learned how much the kids were enjoying them. Lost in conversation you didn’t notice how most of the other customers had left and before long the barman came to tell you that they will be closing for the night. It was only 2AM but it seemed natural given the small number of customers. You had no choice but to leave. 

The chilly air hit your face when you left the small bar but it felt refreshing and helped you feel even more awake. You stood in front for a couple of second taking in the calm night. It had been a nice evening and even though you wanted, you couldn’t invite him back to your place, kid and all, plus you didn’t know how well he will accept such invitation given that he didn’t do such thing often. You didn’t want to scare him off as you were starting to kind of like him for more than just his physical appearance. You kind of seemed to be clicking and it felt comfortable spending time with him, however little. 

“Uum, I live close by so I don’t know, like, would you like to come over for a night cap?” you were taken by surprise that he talked first so you took a minute to answer but being that he seemed nervous he continued “I mean only if you want and umm have time”

“Yeah, sure why not” You smiled back and let him lead the way. 

\---------------------------------

The apartment that you got to was surprisingly cozy. It was a two room flat with a small kitchen and bathroom, comfortably furnished and was far away from your image of a typical bachelor pad. It felt homey. After the quick tour you were offered a glass of wine, which you accepted after hearing Makoto’s apologies for not having any whiskey. You were not surprised given his reaction to it at the bar, and you found it kind of amusing how accommodating he was trying to be. It was nice thought, and his fussing around was super cute, something that you didn’t think such a big man can be. You made yourself comfortable on the couch and beckoned him to relax and join you which he finally hesitantly did.

“You have a very nice place” You said looking around and taking in the place.

“Thanks. It took some time but it finally feels like home.” You smiled at him and continued drinking for a while in silence.

“Can I put some music on?” You needed something to fill the silence and distract you from where your thoughts were heading. It just couldn’t be helped seeing him sitting, facing you, with one big muscly hand draped over the back of the couch, his skewed t-shirt showing off a bit of collarbone and sliding down his exquisite form. You tried very hard but your thoughts couldn’t stay out of the gutter for long, especially when he wasn’t really talking much.

“The CDs are over there next to TV and the stereo is under” He pointed to the corner in front of you so you stood up and bent down to search for something appropriate. He had good taste so it didn’t take long for you to choose and pop the cd in the stereo but the whole time you could feel Makoto’s gaze on you and it was a bit unnerving… and thrilling in the same time. You made your way back to the couch and continued to sip your wine, while the melodies filled the air. A drop of red liquid rolled on your lip and you licked it off absentmindedly. Makoto’s eyes lingered on your lips and he scooted closer. You could feel his intentions and kind of wanted to cut the distance between you then and there but in the same time a nervous feeling crept in your stomach making you fear that moving too fast will spook him so you decided to let him make the first move. Looking into his beautiful eyes you could feel him getting closer like drawn by a magnet. When you did nothing to regain the distance he hesitantly put his big palm to cup your cheek and second later you felt his warm breath tickle your skin until you finally felt his lips on yours and it was better than anything you could have imagined. The kiss was chaste, a mere press of the lips, but it send electricity down your spine. He parted from you, just a couple of centimeters and seeing the reassurance in your eyes he dove in for another kiss, this time longer and more passionate. You sneaked a hand in his hair and pulled him closer. His unoccupied hand found its way to your waist and his warm tongue slid past your lips when you gave him access. This was a surprising turn of events, as you definitely did not expect to end up like this when you met his at the bar but you were definitely enjoying it.

His touch was light, ghosting over you side, exciting your whole being. You were melting in his touch and at that moment you were lost to the tenderness and nothing but his sweet kiss mattered. It was exhilarating how just a touch of lips could made your skin tingle. He was leisurely and patient with controlled intensity but the taste of his lips made you want more so you sneaked you hand to his lower back and under his shirt stroking the warm skin with your fingers. When you pressed a bit harder with dull nails you were rewarder by a low moan, lost in the gentle dance of tongues. He slid both his hands to your back but didn’t make an attempt to move any further down. The sensation of feeling his firm muscles under your fingertips was making your body excited with arousal and you scooted closer and closer to him until you were basically sitting in his lap. You could feel that he was excited too, the firmness in the front of his pants being an indication, but he did not make anything to move the situation further so you started doubting if you were not taking things too far, so you decided to stop before you urgently needed a new pair of panties. You parted from his lips panting slightly and looked into his green eyes, which were slightly glossed over.

“Makoto” You said breathily “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I don’t wanna force you or something”

“What? You are not forcing me! Why?” He said hastily still a bit out of breath

“Umm, I feel like you are not very into it, or do you like to go slow?” You squeezed his forearms slightly, his hands still innocently on your shoulder blades, trying to convey what you meant. He probably got it because his eyes widened a bit.

“Oh umm, it’s just, I have been told I can be a bit intense so I try to control it” He paused looking a bit embarrassed. You didn’t really know what he meant by intense but anything that involved more of his hands roaming your body sounded like a good idea. “I didn’t want to scare you off or something” That just made you chuckle a bit. You brought your hands to cup his face.

“Oh Makoto, I don’t see how you can scare me off. I am basically sitting in your lap and I don’t intend on moving unless you want to change positions that is. Just enjoy yourself and be as intense as you want. You have my permission” You were kind of amused by the situation but the next moment you saw a wild fire come to live in those enticing green orbs, and before you could blink you found yourself of your back pinned under the man who now was placing sloppy kisses down you neck and biting lightly on your collarbone. One of his hands was caressing you butt bringing you closer to him and you could feel the heat rising from his body. Instinctively you wrapped your legs around him and bucked your hips with pleasure when a wet tongue ran over your earlobe. He gave a sexy moan in your ear in satisfaction with the new found friction. He tried unzipping your dress but it was proving difficult, with you laying on your back, so strong hands lifted you to sit in his lap and skilled fingers quickly pulled the zipper down. In one swift movement you were only in your underwear in front of the still clothed male. He took a few second to appreciate you form and apparently he liked what he saw because he liked his lips hungrily.

He put his hands on you back for support has he tilted your body backwards was started laving wet open mouthed kissed all over your torso. Your bra soon met the fate of your dress and laid forgotten on the floor. He moved one of his hands to cup your breast and circled his thumb on you already hard nipple, sending jolts of pleasure to your core. You started moaning a bit louder and grinded against him looking for more stimulation. Apparently he liked your reaction because he intensified his movements. You slid your hands to his muscular back and dug your nails in it, resulting in a gush of hot breath at your neck. You grabbed his t-shirt and pulled it over his head. A Makoto with slightly disheveled hair and lustful eyes looked at you after the garment was gone and that look just made you feel electricity down your body. He lowered his head to your chest taking one of you pert nipples in his mouth and started twirling his tongue around your bud while his other hand played with the other, starting to build the excitement in your body. You shivered under his touch and he smiled against your skin. Suddenly he took your other nipple in his mouth sucking it hard, forcing you to dig deeper in his bare back, a loud moan escaping your lips. This was so much different from his innocent touches earlier but you were thoroughly enjoying every single second of it.

Still supporting your back he pushed you to lean back a bit more and moved his fingers to your underwear. With light movements of his middle and index finger he started rubbing, you panties getting damp with your desire. Your body was starting to buzz with excitement and when he moved back to kissing you nipples you were sure his fingers were getting wet even through the fabric. After a couple of long seconds of teasing you like that, he finally moved you garment aside started moving his fingers up and down your slit. Feeling your moist lips he raised his head to you ear and whispered in a husky voice “I will take that you are enjoying this”. He was surprising you more and more with the progressing evening and it was making this whole thing even more exciting. You couldn’t wait to see what else he had in store for you so you pushed yourself up a bit and started sucking on his earlobe, leaving a trail of light bites down his neck. Sliding your hands down his chest you could feel the light shivers or his muscles. Getting to his belt, you undid his jeans and slowly moved you hand under his underwear. You felt his breath hitch when you circled your thumb over the head and he buried his face in your hair breathing labored. He was already hard and ready to go. You wrapped you hand around his cock and started slowly stroking it while twirling you wrist. A haste breath grazed you ear and you knew you were doing it right. He retreated his hand from your core to give you more freedom to move. Deciding to kick it up a notch you slid down to you knees in front of the couch and repositioned his legs so you could kneel between them.

Once you got comfortable you urged him to lift a bit and you slid his pants and underwear down to his ankles and left a couple of kisses of his abdomen. You shot him a teasing glance but he did not react, you could bet he was holding his breath in anticipation but it wasn’t going to be that easy. You started teasing him, running fingers up his tights slowly narrowing on the main event but not touching him. Small kisses and licks were placed on the sensitive area around his penis and you could feel him twitch a little. You were debating how long you should keep this up because his quiet moans and shallow breaths were extremely erotic but you could see his toes curl a bit so you decided he had enough. You wrapped one hand cozily around the shaft and you lower your mouth slowly taking him in until he hit the end of your throat making you swallow around him. This made him grunt a bit with pleasure and you took it as a que to start bobbing your head up and down, stopping to swirl your tongue around the head. Slowly palming his testicles, your other hand started following the movements of your mouth and strong fingers wrapped tightly in your hair. You couldn’t help but smile a little because you loved how much he was enjoying this, not holding back any sounds or movements his body was reacting with. You slowly started increasing your rhythm, stopping from time to time to give his shaft and head a long lick. After a couple of minutes of increasingly rapid breathing Makoto tugged at your hair.

“Aaahh.. (F/N).. stoop” You took the que of let him go with a pop. You looked up at him and thoroughly enjoyed the view of a panting Makoto, cheeks flushed with arousal. After he caught his breath a little he looked down at you, the fire still roaring in his irises. He pulled you back in his lap.

“Tsk, you bad girl. You wanted to make me cum before we even started” You couldn’t believe you ears. Apparently a blowjob was all it took to erase the last remains of Makoto’s shyness. He took your chin between his thumb and index finger and slowly raised it up “What am I gonna do with you hmm?” That voice send a jolt right down to your core and you bucked your hips a little “You wanna play hmm?” He looked at you and you weren’t sure if it was meant as a real question so you just nodded lightly. He then lifted you like you weighted nothing. Kicking off his pants he started abusing your neck, pinning you to the closest wall. He was rough, using one hand to keep you lifted to the wall, as the other tugged and roamed over all of you exposed flesh. Once he made a moaning mess out of you, making your legs clutch tighter and tighter around his waist, he carried you further to his bedroom setting you on the bed and climbing after you. He quickly got rid of your last garment and left a couple of quick kisses on your neck. Perched up of one forearm he slid his palm from your breastbone down your body, taking his sweet time until he finally reached your core and started to lightly stroke your folds. A curious finger made its way to your entrance while his thumb circled your bundle of nerves. “Still quite ready for me, I like that” He continued to circle his thumb more intensely changing directions and looking at your reactions. Once he found the exact movements that made your eyes close and mouth hang open with pleasure he repeated it until your core was soaking and throbbing for him.

“Makoto, I want you” You urged him and he didn’t need to be told twice. He quickly grabbed a condom from his nightstand rolling it on his still hard length. He spread your legs further apart and gave you a quick and heated kiss on the mouth before lining himself with your entrance. He looked at you and you just nodded. He pinned your wrists above your head and in one fluid movement he was all the way in. You felt so nicely full and your skin was burning up. He moved slowly at first, rapidly increasing his speed. The pleasure was overwhelming you. The combined warmth of both your bodies was incinerating and your brain couldn’t keep up with all the stimuli. You wanted to dig your fingertips in the flesh of his back but his strong had was not allowing you. Regardless the feeling of being desired so strongly was exhilarating. When he brought his alluring mouth to suck on your nipples you know you were not going to last long under his persistent ministrations and you moaned his name loudly. Urged by your pleasure his pace started becoming more erratic and you were glad he was enjoying himself as much as you were. Finally releasing your wrists he seductively brought his right index finger to his mouth and licked it. When he brought it down to your clit you felt close to your release and you started moving together with his fast thrusts. It felt amazing, like he has known your body for ages. You didn’t remember if anybody had ever made you feel this good. In-between fast haste breaths and involuntary spasms of your hips a wave of pleasure went over you as you came all around his cock. Once you came down from you high you noticed him moving a bit more hesitantly, like he was afraid to hurt your oversensitive body. All you wanted at that moment was for him to also feel the overwhelming pleasure of orgasm, so you raised your head close to his hear and urged him on “Come on Makoto, cum for me!” Apparently that was all he needed to throw him over the edge. His face twisted with euphoria was probably the sexiest thing you had ever seen. Once his breathing came back to normal he got of you. He took off, tied and threw away the condom, laying next you after and pulled you to lay of his chest. He was still sweaty from your activities but it didn’t feel unpleasant.

“I never realized how much dirty talk turns me on” He laughed sheepishly kissing you forehead. His action was innocent but unexpectedly reassuring. You just hummed against his shoulder. His warmth felt comforting and comfortable against your naked body. He was just hugging you, playing with your hair and from time to time placing a peck on your head. So cute. And so contrastingly different from the wild Makoto you came to know during sex. You felt yourself nodding off to sleep. But you couldn’t do that. No matter how nice this was, you had to go back to your family and your responsibilities. It would have been a dream to stay in this bed, cuddling with the Adonis next to you but dreams were not reality. In the reality you unfortunately lived in, you had to go home and relieve your friend from babysitting. And reality always won. You unwillingly detached from the amazing man next to you, slowly climbing off the bed.

“(F/N), where are you going?” Makoto asked sleepily looking at you thorough half-lidded eyes.

“Home” You said. You felt bad about leaving him like this but it couldn’t be helped really. In another world maybe you could stay but not in this. You had your son to go back to and not to mention that Makoto would probably be better off without all the baggage that accompanied you. 

“Stay” He said hesitantly. You could feel his desire and his silent plead. He was making it harder than it should have been.

“I can’t Makoto. Mommy duty calls.” You laughed a little. He just let out a long sigh.

“Let me drive you at least. Your car is still at the bar.” You were not used to guys being nice to you after one night stands. Not that you have had a lot, but the few that you had, were quite ok with just letting you go back to your life.

“Ok” Now that you had become the most intimate two human beings could be, small talk felt useless so you just let the silence hang between you. Makoto got up and put his clothes on quickly. 

The whole ride to your house was silent. The night chill did a good job to wake you up so you rolled the window down enjoying the wind on your face. You could feel Makoto sneak a couple of glances your way but he didn’t say anything. You finally reached your house shortly after.

“Thanks for the ride, Makoto. It was a fun night” You smiled at him sheepishly getting out of the car. You truly had a good time, with or without the sex. He grabbed your wrist tightly leaving you leaning out of the car with one foot already out the door. You looked at him and you couldn’t read the expression on his face, it looked a bit like regret but not quite. He wanted to say something but he didn’t and after several long seconds you pulled our arm free, giving a short “Goodbye”. Maybe you should have said something else, but what would have been a good line after whatever this evening “thank you for the nice conversation and the mind-blowing sex” did not seem very right. You wondered what he wanted to say as you made your way into your apartment.


	4. First date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out it was not just a one-night stand and you and Makoto go on your first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey every body. Sorry updates are taking so long. Life keeps happening. Yeah I hope you enjoy this chapter. I was planning on making it longer but then I will never post it so I compromised. Feedback is always appreciated and thanks to anybody who takes the time to read this. So yeah, stay happy you beautiful people! ^^

Saturday morning. You blessed all divine deities that you didn’t have to go to work today and could stay snuggled up in your bed as long as you wanted. Well, more like until your son woke up and you had to make breakfast. You glanced at your bedside table. 7:01. Awfully early to be awake on a weekend but with the regime of waking up early every morning it couldn’t be helped. You remembered your college days when you could sleep until noon, roll out of bed and have left over pizza for breakfast without feeling inadequate about it. That was also the time you could handle your alcohol and not suffer the consequences of a hang-over. You were painfully reminded of that when you felt the slight uneasiness in your stomach and the weight of your head. _Fuck it sucks to be getting old_. You didn’t even drink that much last night. What was it? 1-2 whiskeys and then a glass of wine at Makoto’s place. Makoto. If you didn’t clearly see the purple hickey just above you left breast you would have probably thought it was all a dream. It felt like dream or something out of those cliché rom-coms you loved watching when you were sick. To meet him out of nowhere, after a shit date, at a forgotten little place like the bar you were at, and most of all for the evening to finish as it did?! It must have been a dream. But your memories seemed pretty real. How he got a tiny bit nervous around you. How his warm green eyes made you feel like a teenager with a crush. The sadness he radiated when he talked about his previous relationship. The passion he had for his job. The wild fire in his eyes after you kissed. His strong hands roaming all over your body. His weight pinning you down as his moved in and out your warmth.

As amazing as it was to reminisce about the mind-blowing night you had with him, maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do. You couldn’t let yourself be dragged in too deep without actually knowing where this was going. This was not your teenage years where you could just dive headfirst into everything, not caring about the consequences. He was a really nice guy. When you talked to him you could feel no signs of sly thoughts or ill intentions. A guys like that will be good for you. And if his personality wasn’t enough, you couldn’t deny the fact that you were attracted to him in other ways too. From what you could guess being in a relationship with him would be great. But, and it was a bit BUT (no puns intended), he was not over his previous relationship and you were not looking to be anybody’s rebound. Well maybe it was a bit too late for that though. On the other hand, he did say he didn’t really like one night stands, and then he went and fucked your brains out. Where did that leave you? Maybe he did want something more but what did he even see in you. Your insecurities were starting to play out especially because the drive back home from his house was so quiet and he didn’t make any effort to initiate any further contact. Well for the sake of objectivism you did not initiate anything either. Your thoughts kept going round and round, trying to piece together what he could be thinking and whether there will be more to this one night, until Ben jumped on your bed and demanded breakfast. You decided there was no point in dwelling on this and you would go with the flow. Not entirely go with the flow though, because you had responsibilities, so more like let your boat flow down the stream and try not to tip it over. Yeah, that sounded about right.

* * *

You had to go pick up Ben up from practice on Tuesday. To say you were nervous was an understatement. You were dreading having to do it and it had nothing to do with your son. It was just that you expected the most awkward awkwardness of all time to rain down upon you if and when you saw Makoto. You didn’t know what to say to him because you weren’t really sure what you wanted from him. You also didn’t want him to feel obliged to make small-talk with you and go through all the “pretend nothing happened” hassle. That would definitely be a blow to you self-esteem and you didn’t want to deal with it. Therefore you tried to develop a plan for how to minimize the possibility of you two meeting or even seeing each other. You arrived just in time this time and did not allow yourself to go and watch over the training like on previous occasions. Once you were sure Ben would have probably be ready with changing you made your way inside looking left and right for any indications for the tall green-eyed hunk. There were none and you gave a relieved sigh. Ben waved at you from the bench in front of the locker room and you extended your hand to him, grabbing his little one in yours.

“Did you have a good practice sweety?” You kissed him on the head and you could smell the chlorine still in his hair.

“Yeah, it was so much fun. We learned how to dive from the side of the pool and…” You didn’t want to interrupt his excitement but you needed to get out of there.

“How about you tell me all about it in the car?” You tugged him down the hall and as you were turning the corner you caught a glimpse of a certain male you were not ready to see. _Shiiiit!_ That was it, you were aborting mission and just making a run for it. You started walking faster down the hall, tugging Ben behind. You saw your interim goal, the exit and you made it through it. Your car was just in sight. You beeped it open and then you heard your name and had to turn around. _Damn Makoto and his long legs._ Ben beamed up.

“Hi, coach!” Makoto ruffled his hair. You were looking at your shoes because you were nervous and you didn’t know what else to do.

“Hello, big guy” Oh that voice was so sweet. “Can I talk to your mommy for a bit.” Talk about what. _Oh, God._ Ben felt none of the storm of emotions you did and just exclaimed a yes.

“Sweety get in the car. I will be right there.” You kissed his soft hair and once you saw him shut the car door you turned to Makoto. No escaping now.

“Hi, Makoto!” You said a bit too loud. He probably didn’t notice. Not at all, no?! “Hi, (F/N), sorry to stop you like this” He was looking at the ground. A slight tint of pink spread though his cheeks. Maybe he was as nervous as you.

“No problem. You wanted to talk?” You said a bit hesitantly. Might as well get over it.

“Yeah, listen, sorry about the other night” This time he raised his eyes to yours and they looked more determined. Oh, so it was a mistake after all. You hoped you could hide your disappointment as you were expecting it after all.

“Don’t worry, we are two consenting adults, so nothing wrong with having a no-strings attached night of fun. No regrets right.” You tried to sound like you didn’t care. Like this was your intention about it from the beginning. His eyes opened a little bit wider in surprise.

“Oh, no no no. That’s not what I meant” He was fast to deny, which took you by surprise. “Umm, I meant sorry about how we you know parted at the end. I wanted to say something and I just didn’t know what. And to tell you the truth I don’t have much experience with these stuff so I panicked and before I knew it you were already out of the car and into your house and I missed my chance.” At this moment he looked like a kicked puppy. His big eyes were all mopey and sad and they tugged at your heart strings. Did this mean he actually did want something more? Ok, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

“Well I did not say much either so I guess we are even” You gave a forced chuckled that sounded more like something got caught in your throat. “As I said, don’t worry about it.” His eyes lighted up a bit. There was a pause. You didn’t know that to say and you knew that if you stayed longer looking into those eyes you would never be able to walk away. So it was either leave or do something yourself. You were a strong independent woman so you decided to go with the second. “So what would you have said, if you had a redo?” You asked him. Better to clear the air right away.

“Well um, I was going to ask for your number and ask if you wanted to maybe do something, sometime, whenever it was good for you, yeah” It was so cute how he got all flustered and shy when it came to asking you on a date but could call you pet names and dirty-talk in the bedroom without any hesitance whatsoever.

“Give me your phone.” You demanded extending you hand. You quickly typed up your number and handed it back.

“Talk to you later, then” You smiled at him and he smiled back the sweetest smile. You still weren’t sure how this would go but you were floating your boat down the stream. _YOLO_. Or whatever kids were saying this days.

* * *

Makoto texted you the same evening which was surprising but not unwanted.

_Makoto: I know I am supposed to like wait three days of something o.O, but that feels like too long. How are you? :)_

_You: That is just some douchebag rule some guys use because they think it will get a girl hooked. I am good, how are you?_

_Makoto: Oh, NO!!! My whole dating life is a lie then. ;( and I am a douche myself then. I am good as well, just cooking dinner :P_

_You: Wow, if you are a douche I don’t know what to say about the rest of the guys on this planet (take that as a compliment). What are you making?_

_Makoto: *^.^* um thanks. Just some omelet. I am not that good at cooking to be honest (*^^*)_

_You: I was not either, but you learn eventually!_

You put your phone down and got back to cutting up veggies for the casserole you were making. It was nice how he a little let hesitant and more open when he was texting. Removing the face to face proximity helped, you guessed. A minute later your phone chimed again and you checked the message.

_Makoto: You can give me lessons then ^_^ Speaking of which do you want to do something together this week?_

_You: That would be nice. I think I can ask my mother to babysit for Friday evening. Good?_

_Makoto: Perfect (ΦωΦ). Where would you like to go? Anywhere you want._

It was nice that he was giving you the opportunity to pick. Usually with most guys it was wherever they took you and it was refreshing. You thought about it. Picking a date place was fucking hard. It shouldn’t be too loud, but also not too boring. Maybe some sort of activity. You thoughts drifted to a newsletter you had received last week.

_You: Are you in for stand-up comedy?_

_Makoto: Yey, sounds fun ^^. When should I pick you up?_

_You: 20:30?_

_Makoto: Great! Looking forward to it. Oh, no!!! Gotta go before by omelet burns._

You laughed at that last one. His food was going to burn but he still had time to text you. What a cute idiot. You good mood was inexhaustible.

* * *

You continued texting with Makoto throughout the week and you caught that every time your phone beeped you hoped it was him. He was so cute. He texted you pictures of a cat he met on his way to work and one of him with a squirrel that jumped on his balcony. He looked so good in that one you couldn’t stop staring at it for like 3 minutes. He asked about your day and your work and Ben and you asked back about his day, his work and his family. Sounds simple but it was nice to have one more person to talk to on regular basis. On Friday you saw him when you were picking up Ben from practice. It was kind of weird because you were going to see him mere hour and a half later.

You hurried back home and was happy your mum was already there so you could start getting ready. Head in the wardrobe it took way more than you would admit to choose an outfit. You wanted to look nice but not like you were trying too hard. Plus you were going to a not-at-all fancy bar so you didn’t want to be overdressed, and he had already seen you naked so why did it really matter in the end. Finally you went with a pair of jeans and a nice blouse combined with a simple necklace and small heeled shoes. _Acceptable!_

You had agreed that he will wait for you in the car, because you didn’t really want to explain to Ben, well not yet at least, why his coach was coming to your house at 8.30 in the evening. When you went out of the house you saw that he was right on time and you smiled like a dumbass to yourself as you approached the car. As you climbed in you tried to figure out what to say. Last time you were in this car the circumstances were quite different and you didn’t really know how to start this off so you started off safe.

“Hey, Makoto! Long time no see” Lightening the mood, hope that will do. It helped because he chuckled.

“You look very nice (F/N).” He turned sideways to face you giving you a small smile. He looked nervous, maybe just as much as you were.

“Thank you. You don’t look half bad yourself.” He gave another chuckle and then fell quiet, so you took it upon yourself to fill the silence.

“So, I guess this is a date, huh?! People usually do the sex after the date but well ‘break the norm’ you know” You nudged him. He blushed.

“Well, yeah, umm, sorry about that, I.. well” He combed his hair back nervously.

“Calm down, Makoto. We are fine. No regrets, I told you right. Now let’s get this date going. Here is the address” You handed him a little paper. He drove off and you put on the radio because it was a nice background for the occasional chatter between you two. During the 20 min drive you actually found out Makoto had a soft spot for pop music because you could hear him hum lightly to the radio tunes. You wondered if he all out sang in the car when he was alone. Probably. Maybe you should have taken him to karaoke instead.

* * *

You arrived at a cozy little place which was already half full even though there was still some time left till the show. Makoto spotted an empty table near the back and asked if it was alright by you. You were more interested in him than any comedy that was going to happen on stage and even if you didn’t hear anything you would still be happy, so you just nodded. He left you for a min to go drab drinks for the two of you and when he came back with two glasses of wine you finally settled down. This time you were going to stay away from the whiskey and wine seemed like an acceptable alternative. It made you feel fancy.

“You know I have never actually been to a stand-up comedy show before” He looked very excited as he sipped from his glass.

“It is an amateur night, so don’t get your hopes up, Makoto” His smile sank down a bit and you felt like you just poured a gallon of water over his happy fire. “No, no don’t get me wrong. This things can usually be either very good or kind of suck. When I was in college, the bar me and my friends frequented did a stand-up comedy night every month. I saw many good acts, good comedians who were looking for crowds to test out new jokes on, but there were also those people who were either dared to do it or somehow got overconfident in their abilities and then it can be very cringy to watch them suffer through a 15 min set” You shrugged. “I guess we will see a bit later what this evening will be like” Makoto was supporting his chin with his hand and looked like you were saying the most interesting thing you have ever heard.

“Do you like this kind of stuff?” He asked you.

“I used to. Well I still do, I just don’t have time to go anymore. I used to go to a lot events. Anything that sounded even a bit interesting I will be there. Live-gigs were my favourite, but comedy nights, karaoke, parties, exhibition openings were also something I would often visit.” You smiled thinking of all the crazy nights you had had during your earlier days.

“That is so cool!” Makoto exclaimed, surprising you with his enthusiasm. He was just so cute which was not something you usually got to say about men of his caliber.

“You didn’t do this kind of things when you were in college?” You enquired.

“Umm not really. There was a lot studying, I mean I did go to parties but…” He paused looking down at his palms which were now on the table, fingers intertwined “My ex was not really into the cultural type events or anything out of her comfort zone for that matter.”

“You could have gone alone you know” That was a perfectly acceptable solution in your opinion.

“Yeah, but it felt kind of weird going alone, plus I didn’t want to leave her alone, and then she would have probably been mad, so I just didn’t” He shrugged and looked at you like he was afraid you were going to judge me. Not that it was hard to imagine Makoto being commanded around by a woman, he was so nice and to be honest with his character, probably a bit of a push-over when it came to people he loved. And from his attitude you knew he loved her. Maybe still did.

“Well, how about next time we go out, you choose where we go” You pointed at him with your glass and then took a sip.

“Next time?” He looked a bit surprised. Oh shit, this date was not even done and you were already planning the second. _Way to go (F/N), way to go_.

“Um I mean if you want to, no pressure”

“Yes!” He said with the same excitement as before “I mean yeah, that would be very nice. I just kind of thought I was screwing this up. Every time we actually get to talk I sound like a stupid soap opera with my cliché sappy sub-story. Didn’t really know if you would want to keep having to deal with it.” He scratched his cheek in a way that was just adorable.

“You know we all have your sappy sub-stories and our exes. I am no better. But those are things that shape us as people. And you know I like that you are talking to me about it because it helps me get to know you better and I’d rather find out about it now that further down.” You reached and ruffled his hair but you quickly withdrew his hair because it felt like you were treating his as a kid and that was not where you wanted to be going.

“I am glad that you think that way. It’s actually nice to be able to relax and not worry about what I have to sweep under the rug when I talk to you and what not. It is refreshing. So I can pick any place I want for our next date?”

“Whatever you want. It would be fun to see what you will come up with.” You reached for his hand on the table and squeezed it reassuringly. You tried to pull back but Makoto just held your hand in his. Such a simple touch but it felt comfortable and calming. Soon the place was drowned in the voice of the announcer. One after the other six different people came up to give ironical, comical, satirical and sarcastic stories of everyday life. Some were good, some were not but Makoto seemed to be enjoying himself, his angelic laugh ringing through the crowd and melting in the noise of the room. You two didn’t have much of an opportunity to talk during the show except for the occasional comment on the performances.

The ride back home was also filled with excited exchange of opinion on the show you had seen and Makoto seemed to want to make a habit out of going to this place. This time when he parked in front of your apartment building he walked out of the car with you.

“You don’t have to, you know” You smiled warmly at him. “But I want to” He gave you a sexy little wink that you didn’t really believe he had in him until that moment. It made electricity zoom through your body. Once in front of the front door Makoto spoke again.

“That was really fun. Thank you (F/N)” He stroked your cheek softly and you couldn’t help but nuzzle a bit in the warm touch.

“You don’t have to thank me. I had fun too you know.” You smiled back and put your hand over his on your cheek. You looked up at his beautiful eyes and his soft parted lips and you wanted to kiss him. Unlike last time there was nothing holding you back this time so you moved closed rising on your toes. He met you half way and warm lips came together in a soft embrace. The kiss was chaste and slow but also so reassuring and exciting. After a couple of seconds you parted.

“Let’s text then. And let me know what you decide for the next date” You said and he smiled letting go of your face.

“Sleep well, (F/N)” He turned to leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we will see what Makoto decides to do. Look forward to that. :) .... or don't, I mean I can't force you cause I am not your mother or anything... you know what I mean... nevermind... ignore this... see you in the next chapter


	5. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two dates with Makoto make you fall more and more for him. Scarily so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! this chapter contains a lot of fluff!!!
> 
> I am actually not that good at writing cute, happy, fluffy pieces so I hope you like it and please don't be mad about the ending. Always happy to hear your feedback!!!

The week after, as promised, Makoto came to pick you up for a date on Saturday morning. You had no idea where you were going because it was supposed to be his choice and a surprise. He looked a bit nervous though. Climbing into the car he leaned to give you a peck and you smiled at him. It was a warm sunny day and it made you hope he chose something outdoors because it was the ideal weather for it. As you left, he informed you that it will be around 40 min drive and you slipped into casual conversation about your jobs. He also told you about how when he graduated from highschool, he took a little road trip with his friends visiting famous water basins and camping, before all of them had to go on their own chosen paths. The choice of sights to see was a bit surprising to you but given that they were all apparently swimmers, it was not unthinkable. Every time he talked about their times together you could see this sweet melancholy slipping into his eyes, recollecting the memories they had together, and it made you happy to know they still kept in touch and tried to see each other as soon as possible. Throughout his story however you could notice his fingers nervously drumming on the steering wheel, and even though he was usually talkative now it felt like he was doing it out of necessity to keep his mind occupied.

“Makoto, why are you nervous?” You finally decided to ask once silence fell upon you.

“Am not” Makoto’s back straightened involuntarily at being called out but he kept his eyes on the road.

“Oh, come on.” You raised you eyebrows at him and he got your tone even though he couldn’t see you.

“It’s stupid”

“Ma-ko-to!”

“Ok, ok. Yeah I am a bit nervous. I just keep thinking you will hate where I am taking you and you will think it is immature.” That made you internally question where the hell he was taking you but you didn’t want to feed his insecurity, so you didn’t voice your question. You had asked him to show you something he wanted to do and you got the feeling Makoto was not a person who opened easily about what he wanted, always focusing on others, so questioning him now will make him shut down even more.

“I am excited to see where you are taking me plus even if we were to just drive around in this car I will be ok with it. You have nothing to worry about. I assure you.” You placed you hand on one of his, strongly gripping the wheel and you felt his muscles relax a little.

Soon Makoto made a turn into a parking lot which looked like it was in the middle of nothing. When you got out of the car however you noticed a wooden fence running around a parcel and an entryway with the name “Alpacaland” on a big wooden board. You’d seen this place mentioned in the newspaper or on a website somewhere but you had glanced it over so you had no recollection what it actually was. Seeing your confusion Makoto explained.

“It is an alpaca petting zoo.” And before you could even say anything he exclaimed “I know it is childish, we can go somewhere else if you want.” He pushed his hands in his pockets and tried to pierce holes in the ground with his gaze.

“Are you kidding!” You beamed at him. “This was probably the most memorable place anybody has ever taken me on a date. Plus we took the drive, now I want to pet some alpacas. Come on.” You headed towards the entrance and the male had no choice but to follow. This was probably the strangest date that you were ever going to have but you already knew Makoto liked animals and if he wanted to pet alpacas you weren’t going to stand in the way. Not that you were opposed to it. It was something you had never done and you were all for new experiences.

You paid your entrance and were given brochure by the friendly girl there. She explained that all alpacas roamed free on the farm and there were specially organized petting sessions for those who wanted to make sure they got close to the animals. She also gave you some general instruction of how to behave around the animals and you took the liberty to sign you both for one of those sessions a bit later in the day. Makoto didn’t protest. You could see he was internally glad you did. Once you were free to go in you started to stroll around the paths on the farm. The alpacas were spread all over the green grass like little cotton balls. There was so many different colors and combination but they were way smaller than you would have expected. You shared that thought with Makoto.

“Oh that’s probably because you are thinking of Llamas”

“Is there a difference?” You asked a bit surprised. You knowledge on alpacas was not excessive.

“Oh course there is. Llamas are a lot bigger than alpacas and are usually friendlier. Also their ears are bigger” He explained with ease.

“Why do you know so much about llamas and alpacas?” You asked amused. It had taken you by surprise.

“I… umm.. well they… they are very cute you know and look very soft” He blushed intensely and it was even cuter than the alpacas themselves. But you got his point. These fluffy animals were adorable.

“So what else do you know about them?” You asked interested about what other facts the male had stored in that pretty head.

“Well there is generally two type of alpacas, you can differentiate them by the wool.” He pointed at one that looked super fuzzy like you a puff of cotton candy.

“Those are called Huacaya while those one “He pointed at another with longer fur which from far away looked like it had dreadlocks “That breed is called Suri. They both have quite thick fur so in summer they need to be shaved because of the heat. But I guess now that the weather is past the peak in temperature it is fine for them.” Makoto talking about fuzzy alpacas was probably one of the cutest things you had ever seen. You tried to get closer to one of them but apparently it was feeling shy so it moved once it felt you creeping into its personal space. All over the place there were little boxes of hay where you could pick some to feed the animals. You grabbed some in your hand and tried getting closer to another alpaca. This one was one of the cotton candy ones. Its fur was mainly dark brown but around the eyes and the ears it had lighter colors, making it looks a bit like a reverse panda. This one apparently was not that shy and it nibbled on the hay you offered. You extended your other hand to pet its back and you were surprised how soft it was. Now you got why the alpaca wool sweaters were so expensive. You called quietly to Makoto but got no response. Turning you saw his kneeling down a couple of meters behind a small white kitty in his hands. He was holding it close to his chest and you were sure that at one point you saw them rub noses.

“Makoto, what are you doing. This is alpaca petting zoo not a cat café.” You said in an obviously pretend angry voice. How could you even be angry at that adorable view?! He shuffled a bit to face you looking like he was caught red-handed but not letting the kitty go.

“This fur ball just started brushing along my legs and I couldn’t resist (F/N)” The kitty purred and rubbed its cheek on his. “It reminds me of one that lived close to my house back home”

“I can’t decide who is cuter. You or the kitty.” As you already knew Makoto was not used to being paid complements and yours made his turn the color of a tomato. “Oh I actually know. It is mister Po the alpaca here” The alpaca that was now feeling a lot more comfortable with you, sensing that you are not treat it let you wrap your arms in its fur.

“Po?” “You know like Po from Kung fu Panda, because it looks like a reverse panda?” Seeing that this rang no bells in his mind, you were surprised he didn’t know the movie. But then you remembered that you had a kid and that was one of the main reasons you had seen it. You did enjoy the movie though but you probably wouldn’t have watched it if it wasn’t for Ben begging you to go see it in the cinema.

“I have it at home. We can see it some time, if you want.” To that Makoto nodded and came closer to pet Po.

Short after it was time for you to go to the petting session you signed yourself up for and you headed to a smaller enclosure. Once there you had all your questions about alpacas answered. One of the staff was reassuring a slightly scared woman who apparently had a traumatic experience with camels that alpacas rarely bit, while you treated yourself to more hugging furry fluffy creatures. Makoto was also enjoying himself, feeding the south-american animals and soon became the center of attention. He had this weird skill of becoming a Disney princess when it came to animals. He looked a bit like snow white only the birds chirping around his head missing. You did not share this thought with him though because you didn’t want to hurt his male pride or put him into one of his blushing frenzies.

The way back was filled with smiles and singing along to the radio tunes. Both of you were elated from your experience with the furry creatures and you were glad that he decided to take you there today. Makoto kept stealing glances of you, eyes filled with joy and took a hold of your hand in your lap once he didn’t have to shift gears that often. You let him. It was a simple gesture but it felt like a confirmation of the good time you had had together and it was fun trailing the long slender fingers and his wide palm memorizing all the dips and curves with your fingertips. He hummed along some of the songs on the radio and you started accompanying him turning into a full blown karaoke version of “Pocket full of sunshine”.

Once in front of your door you realized you didn’t want this to end so you invited him up for a coffee and he willingly agreed. You couldn’t find a baby-sitter and you mother had her bridge club meeting so you left Ben at Martha’s apartment. She was not the best with kids but she had watched him before so you weren’t worried. Opening the door to your home you took your shoes off and invited Makoto to a quick tour of your modest apartment. Coffee was brewed and prepared to the personal likings – Makoto’s with lots of milk and two spoons of sugar – and you sat facing each other on the breakfast counter.

“I had fun today. I am glad you took me there today.” You smiled at him warmly sipping you coffee.

“I am glad to hear that. I wasn’t sure what you will think about it.” He gave a small content smile. “What was there not to like, there were cute animals, fresh air and you.” You kicked him lightly under the table. Makoto laughed blushing pink at the compliment

“And you” He added quietly and it was your time to blush. “Unfortunately not everybody shares you opinion I guess” He looked at the wall in the distance behind you. Your eyes darted to him questioningly. “Sorry I shouldn’t have brought this up.” He looked apologetically. From the look in his eyes and what you already knew apparently he did not have that much freedom in his previous relationship and maybe he was regretting it now.

“That’s ok. So do you always let girls choose where to go on dates?” You asked him with a smirk. “Well, I haven’t been on that many dates to be honest, but yeah I want them to enjoy it you know.”

“What a perfect gentleman you are! But you know that it is also about you enjoying the date you know.” You got up to bring your now empty glass to the sink and Makoto did the same. “You are always too nice Makoto” You scolded him playfully and turned to face him, back to the kitchen counter “If they don’t like where you take them, then they are probably not for you.” A surprising surge of confidence went through Makoto’s eyes as he answered, voice dipping low.

“So you are for me then.” He moved closer towering over your form and you felt a shiver run down your spine. Two could play that game. You raised on you tiptoes and hooked you hand behind his neck to bring him lover and whispered looked into his eyes.

“Wanna try?” You looked at each other, pools of growing passion exchanging sparks and you dove into a hot and messy kiss. Lips tugging and tongues dancing your hangs grabbed harshly into his hair and he groaned, fingers digging into your hips. His hands moves to glide over you behind and squeeze and you bucked into him, sending him further down the path of lust. With ease he lifted you on the counter and you wrapped your legs around him bringing him closer. Pushing your hands away softly he dove in to lick and nip at your neck causing you nails to dig into his back with pleasure. This was the aggressive and passionate Makoto who you had first met on his couch a couple of weeks ago and being re-acquainted with him was making your head spin. Still you could feel that even though he knew what he wanted and was ready to take it, his gentle nature seeped here and there in the way he always subconsciously checked if you were ok. As he started to grind his pelvis slowly into your core you could feel you desire growing stronger and you couldn’t wait to feel him inside once again. The moment however was interrupted by your phone buzzing in your pocket and you wanted to ignore it but you knew you shouldn’t. Not many people called your cell so when they did it was important. Makoto felt it too and withdrew a bit. Looking at the screen you froze.

“Makoto, sorry I have to pick this up. It’s Martha.” Still breathing heavily you clicked the green receiver and tried to calm you racing pulse.

 _“Did I interrupt something or were you jogging.”_ Sounded the cheerful voice in your ear. At least that meant nothing was wrong.

“Shut up. What do you want my dear?” You knew she would ask for details and you didn’t feel like discussing it right in front of the handsome male around whom the conversation would revolve.

 _“I have to leave the house in like an hour. Something came up so I was wondering if you could pick Ben up a bit earlier or I could drive him to you place?”_ You could hear Ben probably somewhere close to her as ‘ _Mommy, when are you coming to get me?_ ’ Sounded in the receiver.

“Ok. I will be right there.” You said a short goodbye and hung up.

“Sorry Makoto” You looked at the still slightly flushed male apologetically. He had retreated a couple of steps and you jumped down from the counter. “I have to go pick up Ben. Something came up and Martha has to leave the house earlier than expected.” From his gestures you could see he was back to shy Makoto again.

“No, problem. Umm sorry I got a bit carried away.” He rubbed the scruff of his neck and looked at the floor.

“That was fun but we will have to continue some other time” You rushed around to pack your bag and Makoto took it as his que to leave. Definitely not the smoothest way to end a date. “I would love that.” He answered sweetly, like he was talking about eating cake or petting cats, not getting down and dirty.

“I will text you later, ok?”

“Yeah, do that.” You have him a quick peck before he closed the door behind him.

* * *

 

It’s been a busy month since you last date with Makoto. Work was hell. If you didn’t have a kid you would probably be stuck in the office till late at night but thankfully taking care of Ben was a good excuse to bail out of there, even though you still ended up working long after you little boy was in bed. On top of everything he caught a cold from school and spend a whole week coughing and sniffling at home. Your poor baby had to deal with fever for three days straight and seeing his burning face just pained you. It was hard leaving for work every morning but thankfully your mom had stepped in and offered to take care of Ben while you were at work. You still called every other hour though to check on them and you felt a bit better when you heard he was doing better.

Thankfully after this exhausting week he recovered enough to go back to school and things went back to normal, as normal as constantly hurrying around could be. In all this mess you couldn’t help but feel bad for Makoto. Your date at the petting zoo was a lot of fun and you definitely didn’t want it to be the last one. However ever since then you had had to cancel a couple of planned outings with him either for lack of somebody to take care of Ben, or work, or Ben’s sickness and even though Makoto was very understanding in all this and said he didn’t mind and it was all fine you couldn’t help but think he might feel like he got the short end of the deal and back out of whatever you were having.

Still your mind rested a bit easier every time you got a cute little message from him and throughout your busy days those little reminders of him were one of the things that kept you afloat and in a relatively good mood. You started feeling even better after the pressure at work eased up a bit and you managed to plan a dinner date with Makoto for Friday. Thankfully this time your mother agreed to cancel on her bridge-club gathering and take Ben straight from the swimming pool to her house to stay until Saturday afternoon. He agreed enthusiastically to it because he knew he would get much more freedom with his grandma than he got with you and for you that meant that if you were lucky you might even invite a certain green-eyed gentleman back to your place after dinner. The prospects were good.

But as life goes, once things start looking too bright you usually end up getting a slap in the face reminder to not get too happy. Since the morning of that certain Friday you were feeling a bit off. Your body was aching, your throat was itchy and you were feeling a bit hot. You tried to ignore the symptoms and just took some medicine and continued rushing through your day. By 5 o’clock however your fever was getting more and more obvious and annoying, and got combined with a runny nose. There was no way you were cancelling on Makoto again however. If you did it he will sure start hating you as it will be probably the 5th time already. Thus you channeled all you stubbornness, you got home, took the last of your medicine showered, dressed up and when the clock reached 7, you went down to meet the lovely man for dinner.

Probably not the smartest move. The medicine made you a bit woozy so you slowly made your way to his car. Your body felt groggy and your muscles ached a bit as you sat in the passenger seat. Green eyes combined with a smile beamed at you and a warm hand reached to cup you face.

“Hello, beautiful!” Greeted you Makoto in his smooth voice, and he started to lean in for a kiss but as soon as his hand reached your cheek his eyes shot wide open in alarm.

“(F/N), are you ok? You are burning up! Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?” His hands were all over your face checking that he didn’t make a mistake about your fever. You sniffled a bit.

“I didn’t want to cancel on you again. It would have been the 5th time already. It’s just a little cold. Not a big deal.” You shrugged and leaned into his touch. His hands even though warm felt nice and cool on your burning skin.

“Not a big deal! You are supposed to stay in bed when you are sick, not go on dates!” Makoto was panicking and now you saw even clearer why he made such a good children’s coach, his whole being was laces with care and concern.

“I am ok, Makoto.” You tried to reassure him and reached a hand to stroke his face.

“No, you are not. Ok, come on, you are going back home now.” He said insistently and got out of the car. Seconds later he was opening your door and you looked puzzled at him.

“But what about the date?”

“We can have it when you are better. I am not going anywhere you know.” You couldn’t fight but obliged when you saw his serious face. This was a whole new side of Makoto you were getting to know.

“For now I am getting you into bed!”

“Mm, that can be fun.” You tried to say suggestively but then you coughed and the moment was kind of ruined. Nonetheless Makoto blushed cutely.

“Not like thaaat! Come on.” He pulled you out of the car, locked it and walked you back to the apartment. Once inside you turned to him. “You don’t have to stay. You might get it too.” You tried to sound sensible, even though you kind of wanted him to stay.

“Nonsense, I can’t leave you alone in your state. You just go and get into something comfortable while I order us some take out.”

“You’re gonna take care of me?” You asked with a half-smile.

“Well, of course I am.” Answered Makoto putting his hands on his hips.

“I am not really used to having somebody take care of me” You said mostly to yourself.

“Well get used to it. Now off to bed you go!” He said pointing a finger in the direction of your bedroom and you found no strength or desire to argue with Makoto while he was in this mother-hen mode.

Once in the bedroom you slipped in one of your more decent looking and comfortable pajamas and dived under the covers. A soft knock on the door made you stick your head out. Makoto peaked in.

“How do you feel about ramen?” He asked scrolling on his phone.

“Ramen sounds very good right now.” He tapped on the screen in his hand for a couple of moments and then looked at you again.

“Where do you keep you medication?” You pointed at the nightstand and he started searching through it.

“The only useful thing here is Vitamin C and Paracetamol. I think you need something stronger though. I will go to the pharmacy. You just rest ok.” You didn’t object. Now that you were in bed the soreness of your body was pinning you down and you were sure that even if a bomb was to drop you wouldn’t be able to move, so you just snuggled deeper in the covers in confirmation.

“I am going to take you keys ok? I will be back soon.” He stroked you hair and soon after you heard the click of the front door. Your eyes were droopy and you slipped into feverish sleep, drifting in and out. After what felt like seconds you felt gentle fingers stroke through you hair and the sound of you name being repeatedly called out dragged you out of you slumber. You blinked sleepy eyes and met green orbs. The light behind him made him look like an angel for a second.

“Food is here. Can you come to the kitchen to eat so you can get some medicine after? It’s going to be difficult to eat soup in bed.” You nodded and slowly made you way off the bed. Makoto was quick to wrap a blanket around you and you made your way with small steps. He had already set up the table. You ate mostly in silence as you were still half asleep but it felt comfortable. The tasty ramen managed to wake you up and you noticed Makoto sneaking glances at you and smiling. You smiled back.

“What?” You asked raising you eyebrows

“Ah, no nothing!” He looked away still smiling and blushing

“Come on tell me!” “No, it’s stupid.”

“Come on or I won’t drink my medicine!” You threatened. You sounded like a kid though. Makoto just laughed that cheerful sunny laugh of his.

“I was just thinking how cute you look with your rosy cheeks and wrapped up in that blanked, like a sweet little burrito.”

“I will take that as a compliment” You looked back at your now empty bowl, blushing a bit. It had been a very long time since anybody that was not you mum, Ben or Martha had seen you in such a vulnerable and disheveled state and for them to call you cute was making you feel like a kid discovering their first love. Soft lips kissed the crown of your head and arms wrapped around you.

“Come on you cute burrito, back to bed.” He tucked you in and gave you some of the medicine he got for you. Half buried under the covers you looked at the male sitting on the edge of your double bed.

“Thank you, Makoto.” You put you smaller hand on his and gave a little squeeze

“It’s my pleasure” He smiled and dipped to give you a kiss on the forehead. As he was lifting back you coughed. Real smooth (F/N).

“Oh my god, I am sorry. The last thing you deserve is for me to make you sick as well” You gave his a glance full of concern.

“Don’t worry, I am vaccinated plus I rarely ever get sick.” Oh well that changed things. You no longer had to kick him out of the house for his own good.

“Do you want to watch a movie then?”

“That will be nice. What do you want to watch?” You just pointed to the box of DVDs under the TV in your room.

“I have watched every one of them, so you pick whatever you like.” He looked though the titles and you heard him squeak.

“You have ‘A Walk to Remember’. I love that movie.” He turned the box around in his hands. You just smiled from under the blankets.

“Put it on then.” He did as told and soon turned around to find a place for himself and you tapped the space next to you on the bed. He sat carefully propping his back on the headboard, feet resting on the mattress and you could see that he was a bit fidgety and nervous. Funny given that you had done way more than lay down on a bed before. Soon though soft fingers trailed through your hair and you moved to lay on his lap. Not even a quarter of the movie had passed before you felt yourself slipping into slumber. Maybe it was from the medication you had taken or maybe it was the calming motion of his strong fingers drawing circles on your shoulder. His smell and his warmth were comforting and you felt the most relaxed you had been for ages. Your sleep was shaky and light, eyes opening from time to time and catching glimpses of scenes you had seen many times before. Credits were rolling when you woke once more and you felt Makoto stir next to you.

“I should go.” He said placing a kiss on you head. Before you could process what you were saying you mumbled.

“Stay” When you were initially planning to invite him into your bed it was for activities much steamier but this was different, more intimate. Nevertheless your sleepy feverish mind was only focused on the comforting presence that he was and at this moment you didn’t want to lose it.

“Ok” He said softly and you could see him nervously pace a bit around the room until he finally took off his socks and pants and only in underwear and a t-shirt slipped under the covers with you. Drawn like to a magnet you laid your head on his chest and his hands instinctively wrapped around you.

“Goodnight” He whispered.

“Gdnight” You mumbled already slipping off to dreamland.

* * *

“No”

“I can’t”

“I have to go”

A voice you knew very well spoke. You turned around, trying to locate the person and only saw darkness. You were starting to panic. You tried to move. Legs heavy, dragged on the surface that felt like sand. A faint glimmer came from far away and you ran in that direction. Silver water, stayed motionlessly on the ground and you kneeled to look at your reflection but all you saw were green eyes filled with pain. You tried to reach out to them but you couldn’t. A hard push shoved you down in the water and now you were fighting a current of cold aggressive water. No oxygen was reaching your lungs and you felt life slipping away. Then all went white and silent. Opening your eyes you found yourself alone. A face swam in front of your eyes.

“I am not meant to be a father. I am sorry. You will be better at it alone.”

You ex turned and you reached out to him.

“Stay” Soft plea left you lips, and you tried to run after him but your body was light as a father and useless. He turned but this time you felt the person was different. It was Makoto and he looked at you with soft eyes and warm smile and disappeared. You were left alone. The feeling of crippling pain ran though you and you felt like the last person on earth.

* * *

Your eyes fluttered open and you tried to shake off the overwhelming feeling of hurt that had enveloped you. You didn’t remember the details of your dream, just the never ending feeling of loneliness. The bed next to you was empty, gone cold already and for a moment the feeling from your dream hit you strongly. From behind the closed door you could hear plates clinking which made you relax a bit but the feeling of unease wouldn’t leave you. Sneaking out of your room, you saw the tall male, now fully dressed hurrying around the kitchen. You could hear him mumble softly in disapproval. It wasn’t going as good as he wanted.

“You ok there?” You asked startling him. He jumped a bit and looked at you sadly.

“I am actually not a very good cook.” So there was something this charming man couldn’t do.

“Sit down, I will make something” You said and it came out a bit grumpier than you intended because of your sleepy voice.

“I want to help.” You accepted it and gave him instruction on what do to. Exchanging soft words and glances, hands busy with the food, the whole situation felt rather domestic and you a sharp sting pierced your stomach, making your mind fuzzy with feeling of doubt that you tried to push to the back of your mind. When you finished you had omelets, toast and a fruit salad that beckoned you appetizingly.

Makoto thanked you for the food and apologized. Apparently he wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed but his cooking skills betrayed him. He looked sweetly cute in his clumsiness. He was going back to his home town today. It wasn’t that far away and his mother had asked him to supervise his younger siblings afraid that the now teenagers will throw a party and trash the house. Makoto was happy to oblige as he loved spending time with his family. When he was leaving he gave you a soft little kiss on the lips that felt bitter-sweet on your mouth. You thanked him again and he said “See you later”. Something dark tugged at your chest as you could not honestly give a promise to confirm his parting words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a side note after writing this chapter now I know a lot about alpacas


	6. New hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You don't know what to do with Makoto, so you try to avoid him but he is not ready to let go so easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter, but I still hope you like it. I have had this chapter in my mind for so long and here and there parts of the conversation will come up in my head but now when I finally wrote it down, I am a bit unsure if I managed to communicate the feelings well enough. But anyways I will stop rambling now. Bye!

Once he left you laid back on your bed. Why were you feeling sad? Last night had been great, even though it didn’t go according to plan you managed to spend some time together, and he was so sweet and caring, and you felt so comfortable. Maybe too comfortable? It was only a third date but every time you looked at him you felt helpless to the sprouting feeling within you. It was going too fast. It was strange how effortlessly you fit together and how natural everything felt when you were with him. This had never happened before and it was quite peculiar. You knew that if you continued there will be no turning back for you. You will be in too deep and you will quite possibly be left with a broken heart again. He was still young with so many options before him while you knew what your life looked like for at least 15 years to come. Who was to say he wasn’t going to find something better than you, sooner or later. You weren’t looking for anything short-term but anything long-term with him would mean robbing him of the experiences every young person needed to go through. It was not fair to him, it was too much to ask. He needed to be with a person that could give him all and you couldn’t. You had another extremely important person in your life that you needed to take care of and he needed to come first. You were finding it hard to find time for Makoto even now and he deserved something better. It felt so good to be with him but could you be this selfish?

The painful questions kept torturing your mind and you couldn’t decide what to do, torn between what your heart wanted and what the right things to do was. You resorted to numbing your mind with mass-entertainment as you always did in moments when you felt sad and depressed. You postponed making a decision and a distraction was needed at least until your mother brought Ben back home.

* * *

You hadn’t been able to make up your mind and thus you avoided meeting Makoto at all costs. He texted you when he came back from his home town to ask if you wanted to grab a drink in the evening but you gave an excuse that you didn’t have anybody to take care of Ben. He offered to come over but you answered that maybe it wasn’t a good idea because you hadn’t told Ben about him. He asked if you have time to meet up during the week but you answered you weren’t sure. He tried moving on to other topics but you kept your answers short to the point and at one point you stopped replying. It was all for the sake of not leading him on, to give him a chance to find something better, something that you couldn’t give him. Picking Ben from class was trickier.

A mission impossible but you instructed Ben to come outside the building when he was done, an attempt to minimize the meeting possibilities and it worked on Tuesday. When you were about to drive off on Friday, Makoto came out of the building and saw you. You saw him too. He waved. You didn’t. He looked sad. You were sad too but you kept telling yourself it is for the best, he had a life in front of him and could do so much better. You will drag him down. When you got home you received a text

19:05 _“(F/N) I know you are avoiding me :( what have I done?”_ You didn’t reply. He hadn’t really done anything.

19:30 _“(F/N) Please tell me how I can fix this?”_ You didn’t reply. There wasn’t anything to fix, it was just better this day.

19:55 _“Talk to me, (F/N), please T T”_ You didn’t know what to say.

20:15 _Incoming call ‘Makoto’_ You didn’t pick. Up you knew that if you picked up his soft voice will persuade you to continue this and you shouldn’t. It was for the best.

20:30 _Incoming call ‘Makoto’_ You didn’t pick up.

20:50 _Incoming call ‘Makoto’_ You almost picked up but decided against it. It was for the best.

21:20 _Incoming call ‘Makoto’_  You didn’t pick up. He left a voice message. You weren’t sure if you should listen to it but your fingers tapped instinctively.

_(F/N), please. Just talk to me. I want to know why. I thought everything was going really good and since Saturday you have been avoiding me like the plague. I don’t know what I did, please just tell me. I am in front of your house and will stay here the whole night if I have to, until you talk to me. Just 5 minutes please._

The message ended. He sounded so sad. You never wanted to make him sad. It was for his good. He shouldn’t have been sad. You were so confused struggling between keeping him away so he could be happy and going down to console him. The pain in your chest was making it hard to breathe. In the end you decided to go talk to him, but be strong you tell him it is for the best that you don’t see each other. He will understand. You checked on Ben who had gone to sleep half an hour ago and he was snoring peaceful away so you texted Makoto back.

_“I am coming down”_

You stepped out in the cold gloomy night and the chill of the air made you shiver. You could see the faint light coming from Makoto’s car in the parking lot. You stomach clenched to a tiny ball wound tight with anxiety. How were you going to explain this? You were always so weak in front of those green eyes. With trembling fingers you knocked on the window and opened the door to climb in. The warmth of the car didn’t make you any more comfortable. This was a conversation that you were dreading, especially after you saw him so sad. His eyes were filled with pain, pain that you caused. You looked and his fingers gripping the steering wheel. He had been chewing on his nails. Nobody spoke for 2 long minutes, silence heavy with unanswered questions. Finally he gathered the courage.

“Why, (F/N)? Why have you been ignoring me?” His voice was short from shaking.

“It’s for the best” You almost whispered. His gaze shot to you and you could see even more confusion from before

“Do you not like me? Did I overstep some boundary when I stayed over? How is this for the best?” His voice cracked and you saw tears that were about to spill down tanned cheeks.

“I like you Makoto. More than I should. But this is for the best.” You felt hot steams roll down your face. You knew he was looking at you but you couldn’t look back. It was hard to get the words out as it was and if you saw the pain in his eyes it will be impossible.

“I don’t understand. I like you too. A lot. What is the problem?” He tried to reach for your hand but you moved out of the way.

“Makoto, you are so young. You have so many options and so many paths ahead of you while I know what my life looks like for the next 15 years. You might this you want me but I can’t give you what you need. You will be better off finding someone who can.” The tears kept rolling and you felt like your heart will stop any second.

“What? Why do you keep saying that? I am not that much younger than you.” You could hear some anger seeping through all the pain in his voice.

“And I don’t want… I don’t need anything else. I want you. I started dating you well aware of how your life is and I accept that.” It was easier said than done, you thought to yourself.

“How are you so sure you will continue being ok with it? I have a kid Makoto, I have to take care of him and I can’t give you my undivided attention. I can’t go on spontaneous dates or out for a drink when I want and most of my weekends are spent doing laundry that piled up during the week and checking his homework. Are you sure you not get bored of this after a month?” You chanced a glance at him and you regretted doing so. His cheeks were glistening with streams of water escaping his eyes filled with hurt but also some kind of fire.

“You are right. I can’t predict the future, and I know that we haven’t known each other for that long but I can tell you that I have never felt as comfortable with someone as I feel with you. Not even in my previous relationship which lasted so much longer. With you I have the freedom to be myself and I feel like you understand me. You are one of the most remarkable people that I have met. To be so strong to deal with everything that life had made you face and still remain such a positive shining person is incredible. Every time I look at you, you make me happy. I just want to be with you and I will be happy no matter how little of your attention you give me. If you are worried about Ben in all this, don’t be. I haven’t told you this before because I thought it will be too soon but I have always wanted a family. That was one of the reasons we ended it with my ex, because she didn’t want one. It didn’t bother me but she kept insisting I was pressuring her into having one, even though I wasn’t. In the end she used it as one of the reasons to end it. And now I can finally say, I am glad that she did because then I met you. And I can see a future with you. I want to be with you in this for the long term because you just make me so happy.” Letting everything out had made him a little calmer and he looked deep into your eyes. You understood but still the tension squeezing your stomach tight was not letting up.

“What if you change your mind? You still have you life in front of you Makoto.” You insisted.

“I don’t want a life without you. Why don’t you believe…” He went quiet. “Oh..” He exclaimed quietly “This is not about me at all” He added quietly and turned towards you to take your hands in his. This time you let him. “(F/N), trust me. I am not going to leave you. I know you have been through this before and you have been left before but I am not your ex husband. I know that it is hard to believe me and just let me in but please try. I will not just up and leave. I want this. I want you. I want Ben. I want this life. If you let me, I want us to one day be a family. Just give me a chance to be with you. Please don’t shut me out. You don’t have to be on your own any longer.” His last words resonated through you soul. You felt the weight of all the pain and lonely nights asking yourself why it turned out like this, of all the problems and challenges that you had to face. And you looked into the bright green eyes in front of you filled with so much warmth and love and you saw a flicker of something else. They were telling you there was hope. Hope for you to be happy, and loved, and cared for. You let yourself see a future where you didn’t have to rely only on yourself, where you could let somebody in, let Makoto in and where he will stay, he will not leave and will make your days brighter with his smile. This future felt so sunny and so carefree, like a fluffy cloud was surrounding your body and in that moment you let yourself believe in Makoto’s words. It might all end in flames. Might not work out. But just the small possibility of that bright future with him was better that the gloom reality of staying alone, suffering through the pain of not being with him and shouldering all the responsibilities on your own. You started crying streams and drew Makoto closer so you could bury your face into his chest. There was no more sadness in your tears. Just an outflow of all the emotions that built up inside you for the last week. His arms wrapped around you protectively and he asked.

“Is this you giving me chance?” You just nodded still sobbing into his shirt. No more words were needed for the person who understood you better than you understood yourself. Maybe it will work out in the end.


	7. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 7 months after you get news that will change both your lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. You know when you have chapter in your head and you just can't put it on paper. Well that happened. Hope you enjoy this end to the story though ^^

After that night in the car, your relationship with Makoto definitely sailed into calmer waters and seven months later you were still together. You had been on many more dates including among others activities like the aquarium, a concert, a cat café and a very fancy restaurant for the holy-shit-we-have-been-together-for-6-months celebration. Gradually Makoto became more and more open about expressing what he wants (outside the bedroom that is) thriving on the freedom and acceptance you offered him. The two of you grew closer with time and even though you had a hard time accepting his presence in your life in the beginning by now you couldn’t image what days without him felt like. You even introduced him to Ben as your boyfriend two months ago. Makoto had expressed his opinion that earlier introduction would be better so Ben does not feel like you were hiding such an important part of your life from him but you were not ready and you were scared up until the last moment about how he would react. Thankfully he reacted positively, probably because he already liked his swimming coach. After asking whether Makoto will be his new daddy, he visibly happy dragged him off to show him the toys he had in his room. Of course, your tall and handsome boyfriend, amazing as he was with children, handled the situation perfectly and soon those two were inseparable. Every time Makoto came over Ben would run to greet him and hug him tight or climb in his lap to watch TV and they will plan their outings, which they quickly got used to taking almost every week. At first you thought Makoto was taking Ben wherever your son desired in an effort to impress you and give you some rest, but sooner than later you realized how much he actually enjoyed doing it. As a result now Ben was probably as attached to Makoto as you were.

Of course it was not only flowers and rainbows all the time. During your time together so far you have had around 10 minor disputes and 1 big recurring fight which happened first around two months in the relationship. It would creep up on you when you least expected it and send you into a vortex or raised voices usually ending in make-up sex when either of you had nothing more to say. It was always the same thing. You would take up on too many tasks or try doing too much in the same time, exhausting yourself, after which Makoto would question why you didn’t request his help. You would counter with a statement that you were doing well on your own to which Makoto would of course point out your exhausted face and assure you that he is there to help with whatever you need. Of course you never wanted to back down because it felt like he questioned your abilities to cope and you would tell him that, which he would deny and usually tell you to stop being so stubborn and let him help. It would go back and forth like that, sometimes even going political with statements like “do you think that only because I am a woman I can’t manage”. You knew that you were not completely right in insisting that he left you alone to do your thing and that you didn’t need his help but it was hard to let go because you were so used to doing everything on your own. He also knew that it will take time for you to get used to being with somebody you could rely on and get out of the i-can-cope-on-my-own mentality but he felt useless when he saw you so tired and just wanted to help. You both realized the other had made some fair points and this fight would probably get resolved once you got used to being together but you couldn’t help but verbally spar about it from time to time.

Nevertheless things were going pretty good and you were enjoying a mostly carefree life. That was until about a week ago when you realized that you were supposed to have had your ‘favourite’ time of the month already. The week went agonizingly slow and if somebody ever told you that you would be begging to get your period you would have laughed in their face but now you found yourself doing exactly that. However the fucker was nowhere to be found and by Saturday you were in full blown panic. Makoto was coming to pick up Ben to take him to the zoo and you mustered all your strength to remain calm in front of him because he was super perceptive and you didn’t want him picking up on what was happening until he definitely needed to. I was probably just a false alarm anyways. Nonetheless when they asked you to join you declined saying you had some work to catch up on and when they left you drove to the pharmacy for the magic stick that was supposed to put all your worries to rest.

Staring at the two lines on the little indicator screen you couldn’t believe what you were seeing. How could this happen?! You have always used protection and been careful. You racked your brain for the possible cause and then it hit you. That time in the shower. SHIIIIIIT!!! What were you going to do now? How can you have another child? You just got you shit together and began to manage well with Ben. How could you take care of a baby, not to mention that you would hardly be able to afford it! But what about Makoto. It was hardly time for you two to have children. Maybe he will not even want it. Knowing him, he probably would but still it was super sudden and too soon, after all you had been dating for only seven months, usually people waited a bit longer for the kids step. Plus you had never really talked about the possibility of having children together. You knew his stance on having a family but that didn’t mean having right now. What if this scared him into leaving? God, you’ve been so stupid that time, you should have tried harder to keep your hormones in check and now your head was a mess. You sat on your bed staring at the test, brain filled with questions and worry about the implications this little plastic stick had for your life. You didn’t hear the front door open and the scuffle of removing shoes, lights steps of tiny feet heading to the children’s bedroom to leave the souvenirs from the zoo and the much heavier footsteps approaching your door. You were brought back to reality by a cheerful voice and the opening of the door.

“(F/N), are you in here? We are back!” Makoto beamed from the door but stopped in his step seeing your worried eyes shoot up to him and you shuffling quickly to hide the test behind you. 

“(F/N)” Makoto approached cautiously “What’s wrong? What do you have there?” He reached out to you but you didn’t move.

“Nothing!” you walked quickly to try and shove the item in your nightstand but before you could Makoto grabbed your hand and the test fell to the ground. Makoto stared at it with a look of confusion but it quickly dawned on him. He looked up to you with a completely dumb founded expression.

“Does this mean you …?”

“Yes” You could see a flash of panic cross his eyes and you thought to yourself Great, now he bolts out the door. Instead he pulled you into a tight embrace almost knocking your breath out. He was shaking and from where you were standing, buried in his shirt, you couldn’t tell if he was crying or laughing. Finally he pulled away a bit and you saw it was both. Look of pure joy adorned his face.

“We are going to have a baby?” He said it not so much as a question but as confirmation. You just nodded still not knowing how to react to his positive reaction and he hugged you again even tighter that before but let you go suddenly after a second.

“Sorry, shouldn’t squeeze you so hard what if something happens to the baby” He looked at you with worried green orbs.

“It is still very early, nothing is going to happen” You assured him. And he looked at you, your expression still contrasting his own.

“Why did you try to hide it?” He finally asked you after inspecting your face for several long.

“I didn’t know how you would react” You tried to focus your gaze on anything but the man in front of you.

“Do you want the baby?” He grabbed your chin gently and urged you to face him.

“Do you?”

“Of course, more than anything” He replied with certainty

“How are we going to take care of a baby Makoto? What about Ben?” 

“We will find a bigger house. We’ll move in together. With both of our salaries we can afford it. It won’t be easy with your busy job and me being at the pool the whole day, but we will manage.” He enveloped your cheeks with his hands and looked into your eyes “I love you (F/N) and I know you love me too. This is what a family needs and we will manage” You knew he was right. You knew you could rely on him and you loved him very much. From what you had seen in his interactions with Ben he will be a good dad and he will be there every step of the way. Bringing new life into this world wasn’t something you have never imagined, especially after the joy it was to have Ben and now you had somebody to do that with. It was scary but a jolt of joy filled you heart and you smiled lightly at Makoto.

“Ok.” You circled his waist with your hands and he beamed.

“We are having a baby!” He almost jumped with excitement.

“We are having a baby!” You repeated getting as excited as him. He brought your lips together for a short but passionate kiss and hugged you tightly. A few second after he spoke again.

“We can also get married?” He questioned softly.

“You know how I feel about marriage after all that happened, Makoto.” You said voice laced with melancholy “Plus we don’t need to be married to be a family, do we?” He just squeezed you even tighter in reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everybody for reading this. I hope you enjoyed it and I am always happy to hear your feedback :)


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